Now I Lay Me Down ON HIATUS
by Butterfliesandmudpies
Summary: When a spell Tara does goes horribly wrong, Buffy wakes up to face the one thing she never wanted to face again. Angelus.
1. Prologue: Waking up in Hell

**Now I lay me down**

This fic has been brewing for a little while. It took a few false starts, but I like what I have so far.

I decided to take Buffy from one of the worst points in her life. A point that I feel she desperately needed Angel at, and threw her into her past right as Angel became Angelus.

This story starts in season 6 of Buffy, Episode 13 "Dead things" and spins off cannon from there. Everything until through 'Dead Things' happened.

This is my first Fanfic, so bear with me.

Rated T for now, possibly M later

* * *

**Prologue {Waking up in hell.}**

"_The hardest thing in this world is to live in it." Buffy Summers 5x22 The Gift_

_*****_

"Its Spike" Buffy explained "H-he can hurt me… Without his head exploding." Buffy ducked her head, refusing to meet Tara's gaze.

"Oh my god" Tara exclaimed, her eyes widening in shock. "His chip stopped working?"

"No, it still works... just not on me." Buffy took a deep breath. "I think, maybe, I came back wrong."

"Oh Buffy n-no! No!"

"There has to be something wrong Tara, there has to be!" Buffy's voice had risen to a panic. "Why do I let Spike do those things to me?"

"Y-you mean hit you?" Tara's heart broke for the girl sitting in front of her. Buffy's eyes shone with shame, as she allowed Tara to see, just for a moment, the absolute misery she was in. "Oh…"

"Please Tara, there has to be something wrong. This isn't me. I'm not like this!" She insisted, her voice was shrill with panic.

"Well, there is this spell I could try, just to be sure. But Buffy, I really don't think- "

"Just do it Tara." Buffy interrupted her. Meet me at my house after I get off work, ok?"

With those words Buffy strode away, leaving Tara to wonder what was going on, and how she could possibly help the young slayer.

When Tara arrived at the house later Buffy explained that Willow was out, and Dawn was spending the night at a friends.

"I didn't know how long it would take, so I figured it would be better to have them out for a while, especially with the whole 'Willow and Magic' thingy."

Tara agreed and worked on setting up the spell.

"If the spell works right, it should allow me to see you—your soul you—as you are now, and as you were than, so I can make sure that everything is ok. And that you didn't come back…." Tara sputtered "Y-you know, wrong."

"Ok" Buffy agreed, waving her arm regally. "Have at it." Placing herself inside the circle Tara had made in the living room Buffy closed her eyes as Tara began to chant.

"Goddess of all thing living

We call on you to show us all

What was before

What is now

What once was

And now is

Let all be made known!"

Tara finished the chant with a yell, and stepped back to look at Buffy.

Buffy was still sitting calmly in the circle of sand that Tara had drawn. Tara stared, shocked. A yellow glow surrounded her, and would have made her look heavenly were it not for the sadness in her eyes. However, it was the mist that floated above Buffy that gave Tara cause for alarm. As she stared into it she began to loose consciousness. Struggling to stay awake, Tara yelped as she felt a hand reach out and pull her into the whirling mist.

Buffy's eyes flew open, colliding with the dark. She strained to see what was going on.

"_Her soul is not complete, young one." _A voice boomed in the dark. Another voice joined it as they spoke together. "_She must go back. Before the key, before the war, before the fire; Into the rain the she must go." _Thunder boomed, lightening cracked and Buffy shivered. "_It must be done!"_

Buffy's eyes opened and she stared around in shock. She was in Angel's old apartment. She could hear the rain pouring down outside. She shivered again, and noted she was naked beneath the covers. A thought was forming…_No, that's impossible._ She told herself. A wail reached her ears, and suddenly she knew without a doubt, not just _where_ she was, but more importantly, _when _she was.

"Buffffyyy!"

Buffy was out the door running. Not sure where he would have gone, she ran. The rain streamed down around her as her feet pounded after him.

Angelus.

_No. Not again. I can't do this again!_

Buffy wasn't sure how long she ran, desperate to find him before he turned the world upside down. Before he shattered her dreams, broke her heart, and killed her friends. Eventually rational thought returned, and she remembered that she had a little time before all of that occurred. Tomorrow. She would see him tomorrow, at his apartment. The cold wrapped it self around her heart, and squeezed until she didn't think she could breathe, and didn't care if she could. She thought being pulled out of heaven was bad?

She had forgotten what it was like to be in hell.

* * *

**Ok let me know what you think! Chapter 1 is done and will be posted shortly. **


	2. Back to the Beginning

_**A/N - **A few things before I go on, I have tried to base the characters in the fic as closely as I can to the way they were in Season 2. Hence, Spike is evil, Cordy is somewhat stuck up, ect... HOWEVER, I tried to base Buffy, as much as possible, on the person she was in Season 6. And sorry guys, as much as I like Spike, I like him evil, chipped, and NOT with Buffy. Since this is season 2, he is EVIL. (And also, not chipped) _

**A/N 2 - **_Again, this is my first fanfic, so please bear with me. _

* * *

**Chapter 1 {Back to the Beginning}**

"_Listen, if we date, you and I both know one thing's going to lead to another." Angel 2x05 Reptile Boy _

* * *

Buffy raised her hand to knock on Giles' door. Inwardly debating what she was going to tell him. _He left you!_ Her mind screamed at her. _He betrayed you! He left!_

Giles opened the door and stared at Buffy in shock. She was soaked to the bone, her hair streaming in all directions. He noted her posture was deflated, and her head was down. When she raised her eyes to meet his, he felt as though he had been physically hit. Her eyes were dead. They stared through him without a spark of hope.

"Buffy" He sputtered "Ah, do come in."

Buffy nodded at him and walked through the door. Her mind still screamed at her to leave, but she had no where else to go. It wasn't fair to lay this on the Willow or the Xander of this time. They were still young and innocent of the things to come.

She wished she were innocent of the things to come.

"Look Giles" She began "This is going to sound strange-"

"The Judge?" he interrupted her. "Is he assembled?" _Right, the Judge, forgot about him. _

"Yes." She searched her mind to remember. "Spike and Drusilla have him at the factory. He's not at full strength yet."

"Oh dear,"

"Giles! Listen to me. The Judge doesn't matter right now. He's not that big of a deal."

"I'm sorry?" His voice conveyed his confusion, and he was looking at her like she had lost her mind.

_Come on Buffy, focus, try to explain what's going on…Oh my god, I'm gonna have to tell Giles about sleeping with Angel again! _Buffy shuddered at the thought. _And everyone else too! _The sound that escaped her mouth sounded a lot like a whimper.

"Giles, something happened to me. I'm…I'm from the future?" The words sounded absurd, even to her ears. And Giles was still looking at her like she lost her mind, so she knew he wasn't getting it either. "There-there was a spell, Tara was doing it, and well, I heard some words, and when I woke up, I was here. Except I've been here before…In the past. But it's not the past? Because its now?" Buffy looked over at Giles. "Would you _please_ stop looking at me like I've grown a third head!"

"Ah…. You, you said there was a spell?" Giles mind latched onto the one thing he did understand. Then, "Who is Tara?"

Buffy groaned. "Tara is -was- Willow's girlfriend." Giles eyes popped.

_Whoops! Good idea Buffy, give the man a heart attack in the first 5 minutes! _Buffy snapped her fingers "Giles! Snap out of it!"

"Oh, yes, of course, sorry. So she did a spell, and you ended up… in the past?" Buffy nodded "Which is now?"

"Yes" Buffy enunciated the word slowly, as though speaking to a small child. She knew she really should be a bit nicer to him, but she was still peeved that he had left her. Even if he hadn't actually left her yet. Here_. Now?_ This was confusing.

"Tara was doing a spell, and I ended up here. Well, I was already here, but…"

"And you're from the future?"

"Yes"

"So there are two Buffy's running around right now?" Giles grappled to understand.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm the only me."

"How can you be sure?" Giles had plucked his glasses from his face and was polishing them like there was no tomorrow. _Which actually…_

"I woke up exactly where I would have been, if I was me." Giles stared blankly at her.

"I remember the past Giles. Where I woke up, is exactly where *I* was tonight. Except I was me, not her"

Giles eyed Buffy, not fully believing what she was saying. He spoke slowly "So you're not Buffy?"

"Oh I'm Buffy, I'm just future Buffy." She tossed her head, some of the old Buffy coming out as she faced down her Watcher.

"How far, exactly, from the future are you?" Giles' question startled her, even if it shouldn't have. A flood of feelings rushed through the young girl. She looked into her watcher's eyes as she spoke, debating how much to tell him.

"Well….I remember my Cruciamentum." Her eyes quirked "Behold the horror that is my birthday."

_And here I thought since my 17__th__ birthday was over it couldn't get any worse… _

Giles frowned. He didn't like to think about what the council would require him to do if Buffy reached the age of 18.

_Well apparently she does you twit._ He gazed into her face, trying to gage how she felt about the whole ordeal. The dark eyes that stared back gave nothing away.

"So, you said there is something out there that is more deadly than the Judge?"

If it was possible, Buffy's eyes got even darker. Her face was grave, and the word she spoke chilled him to the core.

"Angelus"

Giles jumped back when she said it, his eyes widening in alarm.

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"There was a loophole in Angel's curse." Buffy sighed as she began. "We didn't know about it until it was too late. I didn't get here in time to stop it." Her eyes fell.

"A loophole?"

"Yeah." Buffy groaned at the inevitable "If he ever experienced a moment of true happiness, Angel would loose his soul, and revert back to Angelus." Giles looked at her, still confused. _Not very quick with the pick up, are you watcher-man? _Buffy scolded herself.

"Giles, before I got here, I- me- the past me…… I slept-with-Angel." It came out in a rush. Buffy stared at the floor forcing herself to go on. "He experienced true happiness, and now he's Angelus." Giles' glasses clattered to the floor as the severity of the situation dawned on him.

"Oh dear lord!" It came out as a horrified whisper. He looked up at her, her face still unreadable, and wondered what this Buffy had endured at the hands of Angelus. Then he swallowed. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Buffy saw his look, and smiled sadly. Of all the things she had faced before and after, Angelus had been the worst. He was her nightmare embodied, bad dreams come to life.

Now she would have to face him again.

"So, how did you stop him, ah, before?"

Buffy was prepared to launch into discussion when she realized she was still sopping wet and making a puddle on Giles' floor.

"I'll tell you everything you need to know, but first let me get changed ok?" Giles took in her state of dress and nodded slowly.

"There are towels in the hall closet Buffy" He called "Go ahead and get a shower. I'll make us some tea."

_Tea_ Buffy thought. _If only tea could fix things now._

_*****************************************_

Buffy explained things as best she could to Giles. Glazing over some parts, and skipping some completely. Giles did _not_ need to know what had gone on when Angelus visited her room all those years before.

"He killed Jenny?" Giles voice was tight with anger, still reeling from the fact that Jenny knew about the curse and hadn't told him.

"Yes. She was trying to re-curse him." Buffy explained. "Jenny knew _about_ the curse, she just didn't know what would happen if it was broken. She was trying to get Angel back, and prove that she was sorry." Time and many other betrayals had soothed the sting of Jenny's so long ago.

"Do you have a plan?" The shock was starting to wear off, and the watcher in him was resurfacing.

"I'm going to go to Angel's apartment, just like I did last time." Buffy offered. "Only this time I'm going to be ready. I need to subdue him until Jenny can find a way to curse him again."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Giles pondered out loud. "Perhaps, knowing what we know, it would be better simply to kill him?"

Buffy flew to her feet in a rush of furry.

"Don't you EVER say that again!" She screeched, the words tumbling out her mouth before she could control them. "I_ love_ Angel! And if there is any chance of getting him back I will take it!" She flopped on the couch, deflated. "Even if I never see him again."

Giles stared at his young charge, acknowledging that this future Buffy seemed be as besotted with Angel as her past self. He sighed and returned to her story.

"So what happened after he awoke Acathla?"

Buffy drew a deep breath. She was hoping Giles hadn't noticed that she had stopped without telling him how it ended.

"Willow tried to re-curse Angel again…At the last minute it worked." Buffy's eyes brightened with tears. "But it was too late... I didn't have a choice. Angel's blood opened it, and only Angel's blood could close it." Buffy paused "So I shoved a sword through his gut, and sent Angel to hell."

"You killed him?" Giles confirmed

"I killed him! Giles, _I sent him to hell!_" Her voice bordered on hysteria as it broke, tears flooding her eyes. "I kissed him, told him that I loved him, and than I sent him to hell."

"Is that why you are so insistent that was save him now Buffy? Because you killed him?" Giles thought he understood.

"No, that's not why." Buffy whispered. _Did no one understand? _She shook her head continuing "Five months later he came back. We still don't know how."

"As Angelus?"

"No, he was Angel." She stopped "Slightly crazy from 100 years spent in hell, but still Angel." Buffy smiled as she remembered her time with him after he returned from hell.

Before he walked out of her life for good.

"So why?" Giles let the question linger, not sure he would like the response.

"Because I love him Giles." Buffy's eyes slid shut. "Because after all he did, I still love him."

******

Buffy slipped back into her room slightly before dawn. She was glad she remembered that her mom was still alive. And also that she didn't have a clue about her slaying.

_Great, back to the old 'Buffy's bad' routine. _Mainly Buffy was just glad to see her mother again. She squashed down feelings of anger as her mother prodded her as to why she needed to leave for school so early.

"I just don't understand Buffy! Are you hanging with the wrong crowd again?"

"No mom, I just need to see Willow about something before class starts." She threw over her shoulder, trying to remember what classes she had this year. _History with...Mr. Albert??? Math with…?_ Buffy gave up trying to remember as she walked the worn path to the high school.

She debated what, -if anything- she should tell her friends. More than likely they were going to notice a difference in her. She just wasn't the same person she had been all those years before. She wondered how Angel would feel about her if-when- they got him back. The Angel from her time hadn't seen much of her in the last 3 years. She wasn't really sure how he would feel about the person she had become. _The person he made her._ Buffy pushed the thought back_. Angel later, School now._

Walking into the library she wasn't surprised to see Giles had gotten there before her.

"Is it how you remember it?" He questioned softly. Buffy smiled.

"Much better" She agreed "Not so much black." Giles gazed at her, puzzled.

"Black?"

"Yeah… remember the incident where I burned down the gym at Hemery? That kinda looks like small potatoes compared to what we did here." Buffy flashed him a grin. "But you helped" She offered.

"Ah, yes, well, good show than, I suppose." Giles came back to the matter at hand. "Have you decided what to tell Willow and Xander?"

"Tell what to Willow and Xander?" Xander entered the library with his mouth already moving. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Good morning Xander, you're here early." She pointed out.

"Yeah, what with the world ending an all I thought it would be best if I showed up to help make sure it doesn't happen." Xander flexed his non-existent muscles.

"Make sure what doesn't happen again?" Willow wondered on her way in. "Hi Buffy" she waved. Her eyes squinted impishly. "So do you feel any older?" .

"I definitely feel older." Buffy said with a grimace. "Look there's something I need to tell you guys." Buffy began, only to be cut off by Cordelia's dramatic entrance.

"Oh my God Buffy!" She yelped "What on earth happened to your hair?! Your clothes?! No self respecting woman would be caught dead wearing that!"

Buffy's eyes brushed over Cordelia. _There is one person I did not miss. _She smiled sweetly.

"Wow Cordy, I was just thinking the same thing about you." She gushed, unable to pass up the opportunity to get her claws in just a little bit. It was completely unfair that Cordelia got to see Angel every day, while she was stuck in Sunnydale guarding the hellmouth.

"Geeze, what did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Cordy's remark fell flat as Buffy turned back to Willow and Xander.

"Try waking up in the wrong year Cordy." She called over her shoulder.

"What?!" Xander and Willow cried together. Xander straightened his shirt and paced over to her, adopting a mock 'grown up' voice that had her smiling despite herself.

"Explain, now." He wiggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly as he spoke.

"What are you talking about Buffy?" Willow asked, confused. Unlike Xander, who assumed the joke until proven serious, she had learned from experience that the stranger things sounded in this town the more apt they were to be true. She sincerely hoped that wasn't the case now.

"It's like this guys" Buffy explained "Tara -Um- someone I know in the future was doing a spell, and I kinda ended up in my past self's body." Willow's mouth dropped open.

"Cool!" Xander announced "The Buffster lives!" several heads swiveled to look at him. "In the future I mean." He pointed out.

Buffy's eyes dropped. Quickly she shoved away the guilt. It wouldn't do her any good to focus on things she could do nothing about. Xander had no clue why his comment would bother her, and she intended to keep it that way.

"Yeah, well, that's less of a problem. Right now the important thing is that I know how to stop the Judge."

"Ooh goody!" Willow exclaimed.

"The future? Great! If those are the clothes they wear in the future, will someone please just shoot me now?" Cordelia recovered from her shock and huffed, horrified.

"Don't worry Cordy. These were the only clean clothes I could find. Apparently my past self wasn't up to doing the laundry last night." Buffy assured her.

Turning back to the others she stated. "Xander, I need to you to use your commando-know-how to get a rocket launcher from the local army base. See if you guys can get a ride in Oz's van. I have something else I need to take care of."

As Buffy left the library Xander and Willow turned to Giles in surprise.

"She's from the future" Xander mumbled. "Hey maybe we're together in the future, and I'm like her side kick! She did tell me to get the rocket launcher." His chest puffed up proudly at the thought. Cordelia shook her head at Xander's hopeful tone.

"Yeah right" She retorted.

"How far into the future is this Buffy from?" Willow wanted to know. Giles polished his glasses tiredly.

"I'm not really sure. She was hesitant to say too much. At least a year, maybe more."

"A year?!" That came from Cordelia.

"Poor girl finished high school only to be shoved back into it again? That sucks." Xander agreed.

"What did she mean she had something she had to take care of?" Willow's face furrowed. "She always tells me what she has to take care of - What if we're not friends anymore? What if Buffy hates me now?!" Willow rang her hands together in worry. She would have continued on if Xander hadn't stopped her. Taking ahold of her shoulders he shook her slightly.

"Breathe Will, just breathe, ok? Everything will be fine." Willow nodded as Xander took a few breaths with her. "Everything will be fine." He assured himself.

Giles watched the children talk amongst themselves and had a bit of a panic himself. What did future Buffy think of all of them now? She certainly knew about her Cruciamentum, and who knows what else had gone on that he hadn't been told about.

He hoped Buffy knew what she was doing when it came to Angel, because right now he wasn't sure what to think.

**

Buffy stepped into Angel's apartment, hoping he hadn't come back. She knew he had chains around here somewhere. She had used them on him when he first came back from hell. Digging deep into his weapons trunk, she finally found them buried at the bottom. Her fingers touched a pair of leather pants he had shoved deep into a corner. She shuddered.

Now that she had the chains, she had to decide where to chain him up. The mansion on Crawford Street was the obvious choice, but she wasn't sure if Spike and Drusilla knew about it yet. She was pretty sure it was one of the first things that Angelus acquired after he made his appearance. Deciding to take a chance she gathered up her stuff and headed there, thankful for the daylight that kept her safe.

As Buffy entered the mansion it was fairly obvious from the sunlight streaming in the windows that Angelus hadn't been here yet. One of the first things he would have done was hang up the black-out curtains to keep out the sun. Buffy frowned when she realized she would need them if she wanted to keep Angel from turning into a crispy critter while he was chained up here. She also recalled his ability to break the metal that she had chained him to the last tine, and knew she was going to have to find something else to chain him to. Magically enhancing the chains would help, but she wasn't sure how much she wanted to ask Willow to dabble in magic. Remembering how Willow was when she left, so dependant on magic, made Buffy's heart weep. _Easy there, one thing at a time. Willow doesn't end up addicted for a long time yet._ She scolded herself.

After firmly securing the chains to a main wall, Buffy hung up some dark blankets she had found. They would have to do for now. Buffy tried to remember where they had gotten the tranquilizer gun that they used for Oz. Her plan hinged on being able to knock Angelus out long enough to bring him here and get him shackled. Then at least one problem would be somewhat contained. Absently she tried to place when it was they discovered that Oz was a werewolf. Her memories from that time in her life were clouded in a fog that was Angelus.

Once Buffy was sure everything was secure she headed back to school. She knew she was going to have to tell her friends about what happened to Angel. And she was dreading the confrontation she knew was coming.

**

"So you're saying that you and Angel made with the whole horizontal mambo, and now he's all psychotic?" Xander cried in somewhat jealous rage, his eyes bulging.

"Yes" Buffy's jaw tightened as she remembered Xander's betrayal, and the many hurtful things he had said to her about Angel since than.

* _"Will says kick his ass"_*

_*"What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?!"*_

* "_Wait?For what?! For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a big happy?"*_

"Look, I don't expect you guys to understand!" Buffy whirled "You didn't before, and it's ok. I just wanted you to know what was going on, so you know to stay away from Angel."

"But Buffy, from what you said, he tried to kill us all! Are you sure re-cursing him is such a good idea?" Willow's words so echoed Giles' from earlier that it gave Buffy pause. Did none of them understand what he meant to her? She knew they had been relieved when he left for LA. Willow had practically thrown her at Riley, even knowing what had happened with Parker not that long before.

"We. Are. NOT killing ANGEL!" Buffy bit the words out one by one. Drawing on her memory of the future she added "Besides, he helps save the world a few times after that, so I _think_ we kinda need him!" _I swear to god…_

"But Buffy, I'm sure with your knowledge of the future…" Giles' voice trailed off as he caught Buffy's glare.

Buffy resisted the urge to strangle her friends, knowing it would do no good to get caught up in emotions now. "I have to talk to Ms. Calendar. She was the one that found Angel's curse last time. But until I do, I don't want you guys saying anything to her. Ok?" The heads around the table bobbed in agreement. As Buffy turned to leave Oz spoke up.

"So Buffy, what's the future like anyways?" Buffy gave him a sad smile. "That's a story for another day Oz." She finally answered. "Right now we just need to find Angelus, and stop the Judge."

The group stared silently at the door that Buffy had just walked through.

"She's different" Willow spoke first. "I-I can tell she's older somehow."

"Yes Willow" Giles agreed. "I can too."

"Shouldn't it be better? Now that she knows the future? I mean, no more studying for math, or history, and she's gonna know how to beat the bad guys!" Willow continued to try and convince herself as well as the others. "She'll be ok? Won't she Giles?"

Giles stared at the door his young slayer had gone through, wishing he had the answers. "I don't know Willow." He finally replied. "This Buffy-- she seems to have gone through a lot. She told me what happened with Angelus, and it wasn't pretty. I have a feeling a lot more is going to come out before we figure out why it is she ended up back here with us."

****

Miss Calendar knew something was off. Ever since she had spoken with her uncle she had been feeling on edge. Which is why she wasn't all too surprised to see Buffy Summers walking into her office with murder in her eyes.

Buffy had tried to calm herself down on the way to Ms. Calendar's office. She reminded herself of the sacrifice that Ms. Calendar made in the end, her reward for trying to do the right thing. However as she walked through the door, congratulating herself on not attacking Ms Calendar in front of her class as she had the previous time, Buffy couldn't quite keep the gleam of righteous anger from her eyes. She could still see herself pinning Ms. Calendar to her the desk yelling "_What do you know!"_

"Buffy" Ms. Calendar said with faked calm. "Come in." Buffy strode up to her desk wondering where to start. Opening her mouth she finally spoke

"I know about you. I know about the curse."

Ms. Calendar's face paled, her eyes widened, but she didn't speak a word. A pin could have dropped in her office and neither would have blinked. The tension was so palpable you could cut it with a knife.

Taking in Ms. Calendar's white face Buffy felt a pang of compassion. She continued, explaining with few words that she was from the future. "I know you spoke to your uncle this morning. You need to take me to him now, before Angelus kills him."

"I don't understand" Jenny spoke the first words her muddled brain could process. It suddenly occurred to her that Buffy had referred to Angel as Angelus. _So, the curse was broken then. _

"In the past" Buffy explained "One of the first people Angelus killed was your uncle. I don't remember the timeline completely anymore." Buffy scowled. At one point in time she would have said the memories were burned so deeply in her that she could never forget even a single detail. "But he kills your uncle, and eventually you, effectively eliminating the rest of the Kalderash clan."

"So that no one could re-curse him" Jenny whispered realizing what Buffy meant.

"Yes." Buffy agreed. "I need you to take me there now. We don't have much time."

"But Buffy," Ms. Calendar spoke, realizing what Buffy wanted. "I've already talked to him. He won't help you." Buffy's eyes narrowed.

"He won't have a choice."

* * *


	3. Captive

**A/N- I've taken a few libterties in this. I tried to keep the timing as close to the real thing as possible... but I digress.. I bent things just a little bit... I'm putting it out there up front. I'm trying to follow the cannon as much as I can, but at the same time let the story develop. **

**A/N 2- Warning! I'm not very nice to Angelus in this fic. He is evil. I just watched 'Passion.' 'nough said. **

**

* * *

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**Chapter 2 {Captive}  
**

"_It's kill or be killed here, take your bloody pick" Spike 4x8 Pangs_

_**************_

"I knew she would bring you." The elder gypsy spoke as he heard the door open. "I suppose you want answers."

"Not Really" Buffy answered him as she strode into the room. "Angelus is on his way to kill you. You're just lucky I got here first." The man's eyes widened at her words, though he continued to puff on his pipe knowingly.

"Well, no matter," he spoke again, haughtiness filling his tone. "What is done is done. Now you must do your duty, and kill him."

Buffy grabbed blindly, the rage filling her had the old man's hands tied and pinned behind his back before he ever registered she moved.

"I swear, if _one_ more person tells me to kill Angel, I am going to put a stake in them!" She hissed.

"Buffy!" Ms. Calendar's voice cut into her anger. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking him with me." Buffy stated, her voice indicating she was not going to be trifled with. "I need to get to the apartment and stop Angel, and I need both you and your uncle's cooperation to re-curse him."

"I will not!" The old man bellowed. "You will never get away with this!" He struggled feebly against her grasp.

"Considering no one but Jenny went to your funeral the last time, I'm thinking I will." Buffy said sweetly. Daring a look at Ms. Calendar she added. "I'm not going to hurt him, but right now taking him with us is the best way to keep him safe. I'm hoping to have Angelus captured by tonight, but knowing my luck…"

Jenny nodded, remembering the last conversation she had with her uncle. She wasn't feeling too inclined to help him right now. "I don't know if he'll help you Buffy, but I promise I will." She assured the girl. Her uncle's eyes bulged in outrage.

"You will do no such thing Janna!" He sputtered. "Vengeance is a living thing! You will not interfere!"

Jenny gazed into the eyes of the only family she had left, and spoke softly. "You would have died if Buffy hadn't come here Uncle. Angelus may deserve death, but Buffy certainly does not, and neither does Angel."

*

Buffy took him to the mansion. She wasn't really sure where else to go with him. It wasn't like she was an expert on holding hostages. She found it a bit ironic that in the span of a day she was hopefully going to have two. She explained more to Jenny on the way. Having to tell Ms. Calendar about her own death definitely didn't rank on her list of things to do again in the next century.

"Poor Rupert!" Jenny gasped.

"Yeah he took it pretty hard. He really likes you." Buffy smiled at the teacher. "He went after Angelus and nearly got himself all burned up in the process." Tears stung her eyes as she remembered Giles, face down on the factory floor. She shook her head "I don't know a whole lot about the curse, you died before…" She trailed off and glanced somewhat sheepishly at the teacher. "Anyway," She continued "Pretty much all I know is that you found it, and that you need this orby thingy… I think it was called the Orb of Thessula? Giles has one he's using as a paperweight." She remembered with a bit of a grin.

Jenny's mouth quirked up at the thought. _That was just like Rupert_

"If I died, how did Angel end up re-cursed?" She asked softly.

Buffy stared out the window, allowing the memories to come.

"Willow found the curse." She began "You had saved a copy of it on a floppy disk... After you died Willow pretty much took over teaching your class for the rest of the school year." Buffy's gaze grew distant as she slipped further into the past. "Willow tried to re-curse him, but she got attacked by a group of vampires before she could finish. They killed Kendra and put Willow in the hospital." _Not to mention the fact that they made off with Giles, and Angelus tortured him for a while… _She left it unsaid. Some things people were better off not knowing.

Her hands clenched on her lap as she grappled with the memories. "That's when I really understood what I had to do."

Jenny listened to the story observing the distance in the young girl's eyes.

"Angelus activated Acathla." Buffy let out a hysterical laugh "It turned out it was his blood that opened it, and once activated, only his blood would close it." Her voice shuttered. No matter how many time she told this story it never got any easier. "Willow tried the curse again from the hospital... I-It worked at the last minute- But it was already too late."

Jenny watched as Buffy's face filled with the horror she must have felt when she realized what she had to do.

"I kissed him, told him I loved him, and then I killed him." Buffy's voice had grown so soft Jenny had to strain to hear the last words.

"Buffy…." Jenny wasn't sure what to say to this young girl that had clearly been through so much. Buffy raised her hand to stop her.

"It was a long time ago." She spoke quietly. "What's important now is stopping Angelus and getting Angel back." Buffy got out of the car. "And Jenny? If there is anyway to re-curse him without the loophole? It would really help a lot." Jenny nodded.

"I'll see what I can do."

******************

As Buffy entered the apartment she felt a wave of sorrow overwhelm her. The events of the day were beginning to weigh on her, and she had a feeling it was going to get worse before it got better. It had been a shock to open her eyes and find herself suddenly 4 years in the past. It was horrifying to realize she was going to have to confront Angelus again. As she looked around the room that held some of the best and worst memories of her life, she wondered if they would be able to send her back to her time; and then wondered if she even wanted to go back. Mom was dead. Giles was gone. _Angel_ was gone. If she had to be alive, this time was just as good a time as any, she supposed.

Buffy sat on the bed that she and Angel had made love on so many years before. She drank in the scent of their combined essences. Blissfully she wished to curl up, close her eyes, and never wake. The memory of everything she was, everything she had done, with Parker, with Riley, and eventually Spike flooded her. And Buffy wept for all she had lost, and all she had become.

* * *

Hearing the door open, Buffy climbed off the bed, ready to do battle. She listened to Angelus rummaging through Angel's clothes, took a deep breath, and stepped out of the bedroom to face the music.

"Angel" Her voice was hardly a whisper. She forced the words out, her throat suddenly tight. She didn't want him know that she was aware of his change. "Where did you go? I was so worried."

She watched as Angelus gave her a once-over, taking in her rumpled appearance. It occurred to her she probably looked much like she had that day many years before. Her eyes swollen from crying, her clothes wrinkled from lying on his bed. Her heart pounded in her chest, anxiety coursing through her veins.

"I took off" The nonchalant tone of his voice was an abrasive reminder of things she longed to forget.

"But you didn't say anything…. you just left." Bile rose in her throat as she spoke the words, an echo from her past. Carefully inching closer, she closed her hand around the tranquilizer dart in her pocket.

"Yeah" His voice was cold, void of emotion. "Like I really wanted to stick around after that." Buffy's body filled with rage as he continued the monolog that haunted her so many nights in her sleep. "You've got a lot to learn about men kiddo." He smirked. "Although, I guess you proved that last night."

Buffy knew the next line was hers, but she couldn't bring herself to continue the scene any further. Clutching the dart she lunged.

Angelus looked surprised when she shot towards him, but recovered quick enough to avoid the needle she thrust his way. Growling he pounced. "What? Can't take the rejection?" He taunted. "I've done dead girls that were better than you!" Buffy blocked out the barb and went at him again. The years of fighting experience she now had showing.

Angelus' eyes went wide as he took in her new fighting style.

"Holding back on me where ya?" He taunted "What? Afraid you were gonna hurt me?"

Buffy tuned out his jeers, executing a flawless kick to his groin. She followed it by bringing her elbow crashing into the back of his head. Her anger at Angelus for all he had put her through added fuel to an already blazing fire. Buffy's leg shot out again, launching him across the room. She stalked after him, grabbing Angelus by the shoulders and banging his head into the wall unmercifully.

"That is for Ms. Calendar!" She yelled, tossing him headlong into Angel's desk. Following him she kicked again, arms flying as her furry mounted. "This is for Kendra!" Her fist shot out, further bloodying his tattered face. "This is for Angel!" She bellowed, banging his head into the wall once more.

Angelus got up, staggering as he ran at her again. His mouth set in a grim line as he realized he had been caught off guard, and the slayer now had the advantage. He got a kick in, enjoying the sight of her flying into the wall, her head bouncing as it collided with concrete. He watched her get up and come at him again. He lunged. Grabbing the coat rack she vaulted over him, hitting him from behind. Buffy enjoyed the look of shock on his face as her next words registered in his mind.

"And _this_ is for everything you did to me! _Angelus_" A needle was thrust into his neck, and than mercifully, everything went black.

Buffy stared down at the dark vampire, hardly able to believe she had bested him in battle. Her whole body shook from the effort to stay standing as she shackled Angelus' hands and began to walk towards the mansion. She stopped in surprise when a car pulled up along side her.

"Put him in Buffy, I'll take you where you need to go." Buffy stared at Ms. Calendar for a long moment before she nodded and allowed Ms. Calendar to help her place Angel in the backseat.

"Drive fast, I don't know how long that thing will keep him knocked out for."

Jenny looked at the girl sitting next to her. Buffy's clothes were torn, and blood dripped from a number of wounds on her face and arms. Yet the girl sat in stoic silence.

"We'll find a way you know, to bring him back." She spoke reassuringly.

Buffy nodded.

"I know"

She felt the bile rise again as she looked back at Angel's battered face. _He leaves me anyway._

* * *

Buffy chained Angelus up quietly. Carefully she checked the drapes, making sure the sun could not find its way in to harm him. Weighing the pros and cons, Buffy finally decided to question Jenny about magically binding the shackles. Thankfully Jenny was able and willing to perform the spell that was ultimately necessary to keep Angelus contained. Once it was completed, Buffy turned her attention to the mansion's other occupant.

She found Ms. Calendar's uncle resting, as peacefully as he was able, in a room down the hall. Making sure to leave him food and water, she spoke as she turned to leave.

"I caught him you know. I did it." The man's eyes flickered to hers, and than darted away, intent on ignoring her. "He's chained down the hall. No thanks to you." A gleam entered her eye "Although… I suppose you'll be the first one he eats if he gets loose…" Buffy grinned at the brief look of terror that crossed his face as she headed for the door. _I just enjoyed that way too much. _

Standing in front of Angelus again, Buffy allowed herself to reach out and stroke his face, smoothing the lines on his brow. It had been a long time since she had seen Angel. With his eyes closed it was harder to tell the difference between the two. Angelus looked almost peaceful. Buffy shook her head and walked away.

Knowing with her luck, things would get much worse, before they got better.

* * *

Climbing back through her window, Buffy breathed a sigh of relief that she had gotten back to her house without incident. She was bone tired and wanted nothing more than to fall into her bed and drift blissfully into sleep. Of course it was not to be. No sooner had she gotten in her window than the light flicked on. Buffy gulped as she took in her mother, standing in her room, glowering at her daughter as only a mother truly can.

"Uh… Mom… hi…" Buffy squeaked. _I am so busted…_

"Just what do you think you are doing young lady?" Her mother's voice could not be more patronizing if she tried. "Sneaking around?! Climbing in windows at all hours of the night?!"

_Oh you know, just out, saving the world again…_

Buffy sighed and looked at her mother, knowing no excuse she gave would stop what was coming. As much as she understood why her mother was doing what she was, the 21 year old in her still stamped its foot angrily. She opened her mouth, wracking her brain for something to say that wouldn't sound completely neurotic. She fleetingly wondered if the slayer's handbook had anything to say on the subject. _'101 reasons I was climbing back in my window at 1am' _A slayer's guide for dummies, or something like that. _Hey, a girl can hope_, _not that it helps me much now... Note to self, ask Giles about the Slayer handbook. _

"You know what? I don't want to hear it!" her mother threw her hands in the air, thoroughly disgusted.

"But, I-"

"I am trying to build a new life for us here, and you have done nothing but sabotage my efforts! And I intend to put a stop to it! I thought things were getting better, that maybe, just maybe, you were coming around. You want to play hardball? Fine!" Her mother's voice rose as she came to her finish. "You are grounded Buffy Summers!"

_And why is it I *always* manage to get grounded right around the time the world needs saving?_

"Look, mom, I-" She was cut off by the door slamming loudly in her face.

_Final score, Mom 2, Buffy 0. _

Shaking her head she crawled into bed. Absently she wondered what Angelus would do when he woke up and realized she had not only beaten him in a fight, but had also taken him prisoner. She was betting on him being livid with anger. Of course, Angelus was usually livid with anger.

Pondering the turn her life had taken, Buffy rolled over and went to sleep.

* * *

The next morning Buffy took extra care when leaving the house. The last thing she wanted was another visit from her mother first thing in the morning. She stopped by the butcher shop before heading to the mansion with fresh blood for Angelus.

At least he couldn't say she was 'trying to starve him' she muttered to herself.

_Speaking of starving people… _Buffy spun on her heel as she doubled back. Hostages were really not her thing. She had completely forgotten to grab food for Ms. Calendar's uncle.

The mansion was quiet when she entered, a peaceful disguise to evil she knew lurked there. She came to a stop in front of Angelus, making sure to stay out of his reach.

"Slayer" He hissed. His face contorting as he took her in.

"_Vampire_" She returned smartly, sounding much like a teacher. Than, holding up the container she inclined her head. "Blood" she grinned. Angelus turned away as though to refuse and Buffy rolled her eyes. *_As if*_

Carefully she set the blood down close enough for him to reach, and left him to his feeding. Walking down the hall she noted that she didn't really expect a better a welcome from hostage number 2.

The elder gypsy regarded her with wary eyes when she brought him his food.

"Why do you this?" He spat out the question in obvious contempt. "You betray your calling, your mission, all for this _thing."_ He sneered, watching the girl's eyes flicker over him.

He felt her dismissal before she even spoke.

"He's a thing? Of coouurrse… he's a_ thing_." She threw her hands up in the air, as if it had just occurred to her. "That makes it easier for you, doesn't it? Calling him a thing. It makes it easier to ignore the fact that the soul YOU gave him makes him so much more than that! Angelus deserves every bit of torment you want to dish out. Angel does not!"

"He is a vampire! A killer! A beast! He deserves to suffer for hundreds of years for what he has done!" Disgust colored his voice. "You are a _shame_ to your people!" He spat.

"Yep, that's me! Shame-y Buffy. Glad you got that figured that out." She shook her head as she left the room. "I am done with this conversation."

From the moment Buffy re-entered the main hall she could feel Angelus' eyes watching her. Collecting the now-empty container of blood she turned to confront him.

"What? Is my make up smeared?" Buffy taunted crossly. She was not in the mood for Angelus' games. His dark eyes gleamed as he took in her stance, poised, ready to do battle. Something was off. There was something different about her. It set him on guard and made him wary. He liked to think he knew this opponent better than she knew herself. Now he was discovering it simply wasn't true. It didn't make sense. He recalled her words from in the apartment. _She had called him Angelus _

"So, what's the trick?" He finally growled, curiosity getting the better of him. "How did you know it was me and not your precious Soul-Boy?" _And why aren't you more freaked out?_ His mind added silently. Loosing Angel should have thrown her at little bit, at least temporarily.

Buffy studied him, debating her answer. Her eyes took in Angel's strong features. His legs were lithe and limber, silent and deadly. His arms were strong and safe, swift and dangerous. She stared at his chest, wishing she could burrow herself deep inside and never come out. It was strong as steel, and yet soft as rain. Finally, Buffy raised her eyes to look into his face. She took in the brow that was forever wrinkled in worry, his lips that worshiped her so long ago. Buffy stared at his dark hair that was always mussed, and his chin that was as stubborn as she. Slowly Buffy raised her eyes to his, almost shuttering at the emptiness in his gaze. Pulling herself away from his hypnotic eyes, she grinned at him wickedly.

"Don't you wish you knew?" She turned, giving him a perfect view of her ass as she strode out of the mansion. Not once did she look back.

Angelus shook his head as he watched her leave, a wry grin covering his face. He was still no closer to figuring things out than he was before. But right now he had just one thing on his mind…_That, was hot. _

******

The scene in the library could only be described as chaotic. Books covered every surface, and people were strewn haphazardly around the room.

"So we got the missile launcher" Xander was saying, making sure to describe in great detail the heroics he and Cordelia had gone to in order to pull off such a feat.

"It was nothing really, I'm a born actress." Cordelia agreed, tossing her hair. She missed Buffy and Willow's shared look of terror. They had seen Cordelia's so called 'performance' in the school play last year, and it was not a pretty sight. In fact, Buffy was pretty sure she had seen lunch meat that was more interesting… and a lot less scary.

"So Buffy, I gather you were able to subdue Angelus?" Giles brought the group back to the matter at hand.

"Yep, he's all tied up at the mansion." Buffy grinned at her joke. "And hey, he did tell me one time we ought to try chains…" She allowed her voice to trail off as the room became silent. "Guys? I'm kidding." _Mostly…_

"A- Uh, mansion?" Giles asked quickly, slightly horrified at the direction his mind was taking after her last comment. _Of all the bloody mental images I needed…_

"Yeah, big housey thingy on Crawford street? You've been there." Buffy reminded him, forgetting for the moment what year she was in.

"I can't say that I have actually." Giles pondered, glancing curiously at Buffy.

"Hey, did you say mansion?!" Xander pounced excitedly. "Way to go Buffster! So… when do we get the tour?" He wriggled his eyebrows up and down, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. Buffy shot a worried frown in his direction.

"Anytime you'd like to come face to face with a nasty vampire and a grumpy gypsy, please be my guest." She pointed out.

"Whoops! Forgot about that" Xander shrugged, quickly abandoning the thought as he returned to his perusal of the doughnuts.

"A gypsy?" Giles rubbed his forehead worriedly, trying to remember if she had mentioned it to him before. "Is it evil?"

"Oh… Um…" Buffy had the good grace to look momentarily ashamed. "Ms. Calendar's Uncle is kinda 'tied up' there too right now… for his own protection of course!" She hastened to explain. "Angelus was going to kill him, and he wasn't being very cooperative, so…." She shrugged innocently.

"I see. So we're taking people hostage now are we Buffy?" Giles scolded her, raising his eyebrows in obvious distaste.

"Only mean nasty ones." Buffy pouted. Giles' retort was cut off when Jenny entered the library.

"Are you aware that Buffy is holding your uncle captive?" He turned to inquire of her. Jenny didn't even look up from the paper she was reading.

"Yes Rupert"

"And you allowed it?" Giles shook his head in wonder. _I'm sorry, who are you and what exactly have you done with the real Jenny Calendar?_

Hearing his tone Jenny looked up.

"He's a stubborn old man, who was refusing to listen to reason. Buffy did what was needed for the time being."

"I see, and now that Angelus has been subdued? You plan to let him go, correct?" Jenny sighed as she heard his words.

"If we let him go now, he'll show up tomorrow with a hunting party to kill Angelus himself. You don't know him like I do. For now, in order to keep Angel safe…" She allowed the thought to trail off. "He'll be fine, Rupert. And once Angel is able to defend himself again…"

Giles scowled, but admitted defeat. She did have a point.

"I still don't like it" he informed the teacher. Jenny nodded, relived that he had given in so quickly. Looking over at the young slayer she asked the next question she had on her mind.

"Buffy, is there anything else can you tell me about Angel's curse?"

Willow's head popped up quickly and swiveled between the two "So you're really going to help Buffy re-curse Angel? For real? Oh! Oh! Can I help?" She clamored, looking thoroughly intrigued.

"Will, no!" The words tumbled out of Buffy's mouth before she could censor them. Willow cocked her head at her friend, puzzled.

"Why not Buffy? I've been reading about it, and p-practicing some stuff, and I'm getting pretty good." Willow nearly bounced in her seat, her eyes sparkling excitedly.

"That's the problem" Buffy muttered darkly, feeling guilty at the way Willow's face dropped.

"Look Will, in the future, you end up kinda addicted to magic…. I-I just think you should be careful." She hastened to explain.

Willow looked up at Buffy, a slight look of wonderment covering her features.

"Addicted to magic huh? So, am I any good?"

Giles shot a dark look in her direction. "Well, I want to know!" Willow protested indignantly. "It's my future anyways" She tossed her head in a Cordelia-like fashion. Buffy watched her, somewhat worried, wondering if it had been good idea to have mentioned it at all.

"Yeah Will, you're good." She finally answered softly. Turning her attention back to the others, Buffy began to lay out her plan for taking down the Judge. "Tonight he's going down." She declared, looking around. "So, does anyone have any questions?"

Giles watched from a distance, observing the way Buffy took the lead with the children. A few days ago she was hesitant, a somewhat shy girl on the brink of womanhood. There was a remarkable difference in the girl that stood before him now. Although she participated before, it had often fallen to him to come up with the majority of the plans. No so now, Buffy gave orders without flinching, quietly aware of the players' weaknesses and strengths. She appeared undaunted at the thought of battle. Carefully delegating tasks, making sure everyone had a part.

As Giles watched her he couldn't help but be proud of the woman she had become.

"Buffy" he called as she turned to leave. "I'd like to know a bit more about the spell that brought you here. When you get a chance of course, anything you can remember could help me with sending you back to your time."

Lost in his musings, Giles missed the dark look that scurried across her face as she nodded and left the room.

* * *

**Let me know what you think! Chapter 3 is in the works. It may take some time to get out. I had this great scene written, and then realized that it was completely out of character. I had to scrap it, and start all over again. *shakes head at self sadly* **

** I know where I want to take this fic, it is just a matter of getting it there. :-D **


	4. The Spell

**A/N - I am going to appoligize up front. I used and abused poor Spike in this chapter. It was ****necessary** **to get where I am going with this fic, but I'm still sorry. I really do like his character! I promise! I also sped up his healing a bit. We know that he was able to walk before they showed it in Buffy, so I just made it a little sooner then was probably plausible. Again, for the good of the story! hehe.**

**A/N2 - Also, I wanted to comment on Buffy in this fic, just so no one gets the wrong idea. I know that I am, perhaps, characterizing her a little more depressed and upset then she was at this time in season six. I promise, there is a reason for that too. **

**A/N3 - The reason that I have Buffy describe for sleeping with Spike in this fic, is merely one of many that I have heard, or considered. Most are a lot nicer, but, again, because of the nature of this fic, this was the one that best fit where I am attempting to go. **

**Ok than, now that I've propperly tried to cover my butt, on with your reading! :-D **

* * *

**Chapter 3 {The Spell} **

"_I just want to feel something besides the cold." Angel (ATS 2x15 Reprise)_

_

* * *

_

Buffy bounded out the door, nearly skipping with glee at being out from under her mother's watchful eye. She had forgotten how strained things had been between her and her mother. Up until a few months before her death, she never really supported Buffy's slaying. Going above and beyond to try and find things that would 'distract' her daughter from her 'obsession'. As if that wasn't bad enough, Buffy had forgotten the horror that was the first few years of living on the hellmouth, when her mother had clearly labeled her daughter a 'problem child' that was desperately in need of discipline.

It had taken Giles calling to reassure her mother that she really was needed at his house to work on a 'research project' to get her this momentary reprieve from her prison. Other than her slaying and nightly trips to the mansion to take food and blood to her prisoners, Buffy had been trapped at home. With the Judge defeated and things quiet for now, Giles had felt it best for her to stay home try and mend fences with her mother. Thank god for his curiosity about the spell, or she might have never gotten out of the house!

"Hello Buffy" Giles greeted her as she entered his apartment. "I'll just get a pen and paper and than I'll be in."

Buffy acknowledged him as she settled down on the couch. She wasn't sure why, but the thought of having to tell Giles about the spell bothered her. Perhaps she was remembering Giles' strong reaction to the spell Willow used to resurrect her. She could still hear him shouting angrily at Willow that evening, brashly telling her what a stupid girl she had been. The memory of it stayed with her, haunting her almost as much as his absence once he was gone.

"Are you ready to begin?" His voice jarred her out of her musings. Smoothing her hands on her pants nervously, Buffy spoke, lifting her shoulders in question.

"I'm not really sure where to start"

She watched his forehead furrow.

"Well, at the beginning perhaps?" He offered

_The beginning… When was the beginning anyway?_ If Buffy had to say, she would wager it started the night her friends ripped her out of heaven. Bringing her back to live in a world she couldn't possibly understand. From the moment she woke up she had felt something was wrong. Something was missing. A part of her was gone. The only time she hadn't been acutely aware of it was during her brief meeting with Angel. And_ that_ was over almost as soon as it began. The desperate need between them had brought things to the boiling point, and ended the visit abruptly. Angel fled, fearing for his soul.

After that she became so numb that she no longer cared what happened to her, or her misguided friends, if she was honest. Empty, she had turned to Spike. Perversely she enjoyed the pain he inflicted, a welcome change from the numbing cold that plagued her. It had been her own self disgust, along with the horror she felt when Spike happily declared she had 'come back wrong' that had driven her to seek out Tara for help…

Startled she realized Giles was still waiting for an answer.

"I asked Tara to help me…" She searched for a way to begin without having to mention her death and subsequent resurrection. She didn't have the energy to deal with telling him about that tonight. "I had been feeling…..wrong, I guess. Like part of me was missing." Buffy settled on her description. "I asked Tara if she could do a spell, to make sure I was ok. That I was…me, I guess." Buffy looked up to see Giles watching her curiously.

"Had something happened that made you think it was possible something might be missing?" His intelligent question caused a wave of anxiety to roll over her. Unconsciously Buffy shivered.

"No. I mean… yes. I mean…" Buffy stumbled through her reply. Thankfully Giles seemed to understand she didn't want to explain what it was that had sent her running to the witch that day for help. Nodding he changed his line of questioning.

"What can you tell me about the actual spell? Did it require more than one person to perform it?" Buffy sagged, visibly relieved.

"No, it was just Tara and I at the house. I sent Dawn away for the night, and Willow was out." Giles noted the mention of the new name, but for the moment said nothing.

"Tara said the spell was supposed to let her see my soul. I think she said it would allow her to see what it looked like in the past, and compare it to what it looked like now." Buffy paused as Giles scribbled furiously on his paper, trying to keep up. Quietly he noted to himself that Buffy seemed to have paid a lot more attention to this spell than she usually did to things of the like. Normally she told him that it was his job to pay attention to the brainy side of things, and her job to kick the bad guys' butt. Fleetingly he wondered why she hadn't gone to him for help.

"Tara made a circle with sand on the floor." Buffy continued unaware of his inner pondering. "I sat in the middle of it while she did the spell." Giles took advantage of her silence to remove his glasses and them thoroughly. When it seemed she wasn't going to continue he questioned her quietly.

"What happened next Buffy?"

Buffy closed her eyes and fought to remember.

"There was a light around me" She recalled. "And a mist above me" Buffy remembered the mist. It had stolen around her as if to suffocate her, pulling her deep into the dark of her mind. "Everything was dark. I heard a voice, or maybe it was two voices. They were talking to Tara. She was there somehow." Buffy clearly remembered knowing the girl was with her in the darkness. "When I opened my eyes I was in Angel's old apartment. I could hear it raining…I-I was in the past."

Giles looked up thoughtfully. The spell she had described seemed fairly mild. In fact, he was pretty sure he had heard of it before. He frowned. It certainly shouldn't have caused anything like the catastrophic event that had occurred.

"You said you heard voices?"

"Yeah, they were all mysterious" Buffy said, frowning a little. _Mysterious people seem to like popping up and reeking havoc on my life. _

"Do you remember what they said?" Giles grappled at straws, trying to understand what could have caused such a simple spell to go so horribly awry.

"I don't know. Some thing about war? And fire maybe? And than they said 'It must be done' or something like that, and I woke up here." Buffy shrugged. "I can't remember anymore." She looked at Giles, silently awaiting his assessment. After a moment he spoke, confusion tingeing his voice.

"I recognize the spell Buffy. It's fairly simple, and used to check one's aura, or soul. Witches often use it after they invoke very powerful magics. Certain spells can fragment them." He explained. "I have never heard of anything like this happening though. The spell simply doesn't use enough power for someone to be sent back in time."

His eyes focused on her again, noting her agitated movements on the sofa. "It would require a very powerful witch to do something as difficult as sending you back in time. And even more skill to have landed your consciousness back inside your own body..." Buffy could feel his question before he even asked it. "How powerful is Tara, Buffy? Is it possible that she somehow did this on purpose?"

Buffy supposed she could have taken offence to his question, but for the moment she chose not to.

"I've known Tara for a while. She's Willow's… friend." Remembering his horrified expression the last time she mentioned Willow's girlfriend, Buffy decided to leave it at that. "And Tara would never do something like this on purpose. I don't even think she has that kind of power. She's been trying to get Willow to give up magic all together." Giles remembered her comment in the library a few days before.

"Yes, you said Willow ends up somewhat addicted to magic?" He was unprepared for the misery his simple question brought to her eyes.

"Yes" Buffy answered, not sure how much she should disclose. After all, Willow's powers were good to an extent… Her spells had helped them time and time again, getting them out of many a jam. It was Willow who had performed the spell that ultimately allowed her to defeat Adam. Not to mention the fact that it was Willow who had restored Angel's soul.

Giles debated questioning the girl further. It seemed that for every piece of new information she gave him, more questions were raised. He was quickly becoming aware that the young woman sitting in front of him was a very private person. No longer did she wear her heart on her sleeve, or prattle on about all aspects of her life. The Buffy before him was reserved, weighing each word carefully, as though speaking the wrong one might get her killed.

"How old are you Buffy?" He finally inquired. "I might need to know," he justified his question "In order to research sending you back." Giles watched as her dark eyes settled on him thoughtfully. _Green._ The thought struck him. _Her eyes used to be bright green._ He peered into them, trying to discern their color. They were still green, he realized, just very, very dark. It was as though a light had been dimmed, and no longer shone through.

Buffy observed Giles observing her. Quietly she laughed to herself. She knew his real reason for wanting to know her age had nothing to do with sending her back, and everything to do with his own curiosity. She couldn't really blame him. She missed Giles, missed spending time with him. After Angel left, he was one of the few people who made her feel safe. She remembered thinking after Angel left, that at least Giles wouldn't leave her. _Of course he ended up leaving anyway…_abruptly she brought her mind back to the subject at hand. Deciding that there was no harm in telling Giles, she answered him slowly, watching for his reaction.

"Twenty-One"

Giles whole body seemed to snap to attention all at once. "Twenty-one?!" His voice was incredulous. "But, but, that's, that's,"

"Four years into the future?" Buffy offered.

"Impossible!" Giles sputtered. Surely she must be joking.

"And yet here I sit" Came Buffy's snappy reply. Her eyes were amused as she watched him flounder about like a fish out of water.

"Do you know what that means Buffy? It means you're the longest surviving slayer." He puffed up proudly "The council must be so pleased." _He was watcher to the longest surviving slayer! _

"Nope" Buffy's abrupt answer brought him back to earth. She didn't like to think about the council and what it had, or more accurately _hadn't_, done for her.

"Why ever not?" He scowled, why wouldn't they be pleased? Sure she was a little independent sometimes, still, a slayer surviving even 3 years was rare, but 6?!

Buffy watched the emotions pouring over her ex-watcher's face. Taking pity on him she explained "I quit the council 2 years ago."

"You QUIT?! You can't just quit the council! And why on earth?" Giles voice grew louder, more agitated. Buffy watched him, her eyes darkening.

"It's a long story." It was all she could say. Reliving her more of her past was not something she could do right now.

Abruptly she stood, her memories leaving her agitated and needing something to kill.

"I'm gonna go patrol now ok Giles?" It did not escape him that it was phrased as a question merely for his benefit. Buffy bent down and kissed his cheek as she left, surprising herself as much as him with the action.

"Four years…" He muttered staring at the closed door. She had done it, against all odds she had lived longer than all the slayers before her_. For what?_ He wondered, to be haphazardly picked up and thrown four years into her past? Giles went to bed puzzled. He was missing something, he realized. There was more to this story that he needed to learn.

****

The mood Angelus was in could only be described as a snit. Not that he would admit it of course. Every night the Slayer came to the mansion, leaving blood just close enough for him to reach, and always staying far away from his grasp. And each night he taunted her, spewing as many hurtful and nasty things he could think of in an effort to goad her. Every night the Slayer waited wordlessly for him to finish his blood, and left without a sound. Not even a measly peep! Not an 'I hate you Angelus' or a 'Shut your f-ing mouth Angelus.' It was as if she had decided that he wasn't even good enough to be dirt upon her shoes. And one certainly does not speak to dirt, much less something beneath it.

Angelus was beginning to see red. He *still* hadn't figured out how she knew it was him in the apartment, and not Angel. And he still could not figure out what it was that was different about her. He was abruptly startled out of his angry thoughts by a loud thump outside the main door. Scowling, he glared at spot where the sound had come from, daring it to make its presence known. He knew it wasn't Buffy, he could feel her coming long before she entered the mansion doors. He watched with mild interest as a figure stumbled into view, staggering, it walked strait into one of the pillars, bouncing back slightly when it encountered the resistance.

"Bloody hell!" He heard it mumble.

_And my night just keeps getting better! Isn't he supposed to be stuck in a wheelchair?_

Angelus rolled his eyes as Spike pulled himself up and began skirting around the massive pillar. "uh, 'scuse me" He heard him mumble.

"The stars, they sing." Drusilla's voice drifted over him. "They dance for me Spike" She crooned, oblivious to the fact that he was still trying to find his way around the large pillar. Angelus watched, amused, as Drusilla danced around Spike, appearing to make him all the more dizzy. She stopped suddenly, peering into the dark.

"Daddy? Is that you?" she called, giggling. "Look Spike, its Daddy!"

Spike eyed up the chains. He wasn't feeling too inclined to help Angelus, even if he wasn't all 'soul-having' anymore. Not after the way the poof had treated him the last time he'd seen them. _Roller boy indeed!_

"Sire? What are you doing all tied up?" He chortled, clearly amused.

Angelus bit back a growl. There was no way he was letting them know the real reason why he was in these chains.

"Why do you think I'm tied up?" He purred. Let them think he allowed himself to be put in this position. '_As if!'_ He almost snorted. He would stake _himself_ before he let anyone chain him up.

"Ohhh I get it" Spike grinned sagely, wagging his eyebrows appreciatively. "Well, maybe when you're done, you'll let me and Dru here have a go at it." He hooked his arm around Dru, leaning in as he shoved his face deep into her neck. "So, where is the git?"

Angelus was momentarily distracted by the thought of Drusilla in chains. He eyed Spike thoughtfully, debating whether or not to taunt him with what he was now planning to do with Drusilla and those chains...

_Best not piss Spike off if I want him to untie me_ he decided.

"She's out, likes to keep me in suspense." He answered smoothly. "Although…I was thinking about giving her a surprise when she gets back…maybe you can help me." He offered, knowing exactly what Spike's response would be. Spike wasn't easily fooled, but he was drunk, and he loved bondage, and those were two things he was counting on to get him out of here.

Spike grinned. He knew first hand the games Angelus liked to play involving women and chains.

"What exactly did you have in mind Sire?" His voice teetered a bit as the disinterested tone he was going for broke, and a tinge of excitement seeped in.

"Well, I was thinking you would untie me," Angelus smirked, Spike was practically drooling. "And than we could surprise her with a little bondage of our own..."

****

**

*

Buffy entered the door of the mansion cautiously, her senses tingling wildly. She could feel the presence of more than one vampire. Shuddering she hoped against all hope that Angelus had not escaped. As her eyes fell on the empty shackles, her heart sank. Horror flooded her as she wondered where he had gone, and who he had possibly already killed. She reached inside, allowing herself to feel the connection she had with Angel. _He's here_ she realized abruptly.

Buffy spun, kicking backward just as Angelus ran at her. Angelus roared, startled as she jumped seconds before he even moved. _How the hell did she know I was there?_ The thought was cut off when he realized she was once again taking the offensive, throwing herself at him with everything she had. Snarling he came at her, matching her blow for blow, enjoying the sound of her bones crunching under his fists.

"The Slayer?! You were playing sex games with the Slayer?!" Spike hollered as he realized just who Angelus was fighting. "What, have you lost your bloody mind Angelus?!"

"Busy here Spike!" Angelus shot back. "Maybe, we can continue this discussion later!" He grunted as the girl in question landed another unnaturally high kick to his jaw. _When did she learn to do that?_

"SEX games?! You told him we were playing sex games?!" Buffy hissed as she brought her elbow down into his chest. "I guess you had to tell him something" she taunted "Couldn't let him know the Slayer had you all tied up." Her words were followed a knee to his groin. She seemed to enjoy kicking him there he noted, stumbling a bit. He was beginning to wonder if telling Spike to 'let him handle his girl himself' was such a good idea.

As it was, Spike was too busy laughing his ass off, to care that Angelus was getting his handed to him by the Slayer. _Again_! Growling Angelus switched tactics, deciding that retreat was a viable option when faced with such a pissed off slayer, he slowly began inching his way towards the door. Buffy's eyes narrowed, seeing his intent. Lunging again she grabbed one of the darts she had strategically placed inside the mansion. Closing her fist around it, she threw it as she spun, watching as it flew through the air and landed in his neck. Inwardly she thanked Giles for his persistence in her training, even when it came to something as simple as throwing darts with accuracy. '_You never know when a learned skill might be the difference between life and death'_ She smiled slightly as his words came to mind, then frowned, worriedly. _Get out of my head Giles! _

Spike's mouth dropped open at the sight of his sire, falling to the floor. Thankfully, Buffy seemed too busy chaining Angelus up to notice him...for a minute anyway. Nervously he looked around, wondering where Dru had gone.

"Dru baby" He called, licking his lips. "Where'd you go luv?" He sagged in relief when she appeared, gliding her way down the hall. "I've just found a lovely snack" she purred. "Should we share it with daddy?"

"Time to go princess" Spike swooped her into his arms, and hit the door at a run. He still wasn't back to full strength yet, thanks to the slayer setting him and Dru on fire two months ago, and he was in no hurry to give her another crack at finishing the job.

****

Buffy watched Spike take off, nearly dropping Drusilla as he ran down the road. For the moment she would let them go. _At least he was smart enough to know he couldn't take me._ She scowled at Angelus. She had known it was only a matter of time until he got free. The probability of it went up every day that Jenny didn't find the curse. Thankfully she had thought ahead and kept tranquilizer darts hidden in various places around. Not just in the mansion, but also in her room, and his apartment. She wanted to be ready whenever the need should arise. A feeling of dread settled over her as she walked down the hall she had seen Drusilla appear from. She already knew what she would find. Opening the door, she allowed her eyes to fall on the now lifeless body of Ms. Calendar's uncle. Fresh puncture wounds were clearly visible on his neck.

_I failed her. I let him die_

Slowly Buffy fell to her knees, her body finding it too difficult to stay standing in the aftermath of battle.

****

It was a very quiet group that met in the library the next morning. Giles was trying to assure Buffy that the death of Jenny's uncle wasn't her fault. Of course, it would be working a lot better if he could somehow manage to get Xander to keep the gaping chasm on the front of this face, shut.

"If Buffy wasn't so pig headed about getting Angel back, none of this would have happened!" Giles winced, _Oh go eat a doughnut! _

"She has her reasons Xander." He rebutted gently. "Reasons we can't possibly understand."

"What, so just because she's from the future, she's suddenly lord and dictator of all?" Xander retorted, glaring at him angrily.

"Nice to know that's how you think of me Xander." Buffy shot back. Years of guilt weighed on her. She had drug them all into this. She hadn't been strong enough to do it alone when she was younger, and now she had single handedly managed to ruin their lives. Giles' girlfriends either got murdered or left him, courtesy of Buffy and the hellmouth. Willow was knee-deep in an addiction to black magic that seemed destined to destroy not only her, but everyone around her. Xander somehow ended up with a target on his back for all women or things demon-related. They had all cheated death more times than she could count.

"I'm sorry." She offered quietly. It seemed so inadequate.

"Sorry enough to stake your ex-hunny?" Xander sneered. "Some one oughta."

"Xander..." Her voice was pained, not that she had expected anything less from him. Buffy looked at Jenny. Words couldn't describe the anguish she felt, knowing she had arrived too late to stop Drusilla. "I-I understand if you don't want to help me now."

The whole room seemed to wait with baited breath for Jenny's response.

"Buffy, no" Jenny whispered, her eyes filling up. "This was beyond your control. You did the best you could." She was unable to feel angry, knowing she herself was living on borrowed time. "The sooner we find Angel's curse, the better."

"Why? So they can get pelvic with each other again?" Cordelia rolled her eyes. "I'm with Xander on this one. I have no desire to end up on any of Angel's torture-me-now lists."

"Buffy? I don't mean to be… I mean, I'm big with the trust and all, 'cause, you know, you're Buffy, so, trust. But…"

Buffy grinned at her friend wryly

"Willow just spit it out"

"What if, I mean, w-what will happen if he gets loose again?"

Buffy looked around the room and saw the question Willow had voiced was mirrored in everyone's eyes.

"Will, it will be ok." She comforted. "Even if he does get loose, last time he was a lot more interested in trying to end the world than he was in killing any of you." She cringed, as the looks around the room became more worried instead of less.

_Oops?_

"Not that that means he won't try…" She backpedaled plaintively "In fact, I'm sure he'll be much more interested in… killing… people… than…" She shook her head as she realized what she was saying. "Guys, he's not getting loose again. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah" Xander muttered "Like that'll happen."

"Look, while you are all here, there is something else that I want to discuss with you." Giles changed the subject abruptly. "There was an attack last night, up on the bluffs. I think you should check it out Buffy. Seems there's a very large, furry, beast attacking local teenagers." Giles paused, watching as Buffy's face drained of color.

"Furry beast?" she whispered, licking her lips nervously, and glancing furtively at the calendar on the wall. _Oh no_

"Yes, is that a problem?" Giles removed his glasses, peering at the young girl. She was definitely ashen.

"Uh" Buffy started, than stopped.

"I take it you know what is causing the disturbance?" Xander guessed accurately. "Maybe you, oh, I don't know, FORGOT to tell us something?" He drummed his fingers, agitated, fixing her with a pointed stare.

"Xander, give her a chance to explain" Willow defended her friend. She wasn't sure what was going on, but from the looks of it, it couldn't be good. It never was good._ Why can't it ever be good?_

Buffy groaned and dropped her head into her hands. God she wished the floor would open up. _Where's a good hellmouth-opening demon when you need one?_

"It's a werewolf." She finally said, fixing her eyes to an imaginary spot on the library wall.

"You mean they're real?!" Cordelia shrieked. "Gross!"

Buffy's eyes never left the spot.

"They're real." She answered. "They're normal people, just like you and me. Except that 3 nights out of the month, at sundown, they turn into a werewolf."

"And eat people like you and me." Xander injected sarcastically

"Yes." Buffy sighed. "Most of the time they don't even know they are doing it. They wake up in strange places, and figure they just slept walked, or whatever."

"And _ate_ people" Xander cheerfully pointed out again. Buffy took time away from the spot to glare at him.

"I take it from your response that you know who the werewolf is Buffy?" Giles discerned, feeling slightly alarmed. The last time she looked this agitated she had told him about Angelus.

"Yes" She whispered. Her hands shook. In some ways this was worse than telling them about Angel. As they had all shown over the years, none of them were particularly attached to Angel.

"It's Oz." She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the inevitable.

"WHAT?!" The whole room seemed to explode at once.

"How do you _forget_ to tell us something like that?!"

"Fascinating" Giles grabbed a book off his shelf. "Three nights you say?" He thumbed through the pages with an intent that had Buffy smiling inwardly despite herself. Research guy was back in full force.

"A-a-a werewolf? Oz? Buffy, are you sure?" Willow wailed, rubbing Oz's back nervously. Buffy looked at her and sighed. If she could go back and change it she would, but Oz being a werewolf had never really been that big of a deal to her. He was just Oz. It wasn't something she thought a lot about. Other than the nights she guarded him, she pretty much forgot about his 'werewolf' status.

"Yes I'm sure Will." She finally answered. "We all spent plenty of time in this library making sure Oz didn't get out of the book cage." She shook her head. Tears were burning, but she refused to let them fall. "I-I don't remember when he got bitten. It's too much of a blur… I-I'm sorry."

Oz stood up, looking back and forth between Willow and Buffy. "A werewolf?" He asked calmly, his impassive face belying any possible inner turmoil. Buffy stared through him, her insides screaming as she surveyed the scene. _I failed them. Again._ Her eyes fixed back on Oz, still waiting for an answer. Slowly she nodded.

"I'm…" her throat squeezed shut of its own accord, as she watched Oz walk towards the door. Abruptly he stopped and turned back, and Buffy had the feeling he was doing it for Willow more than the rest of them.

"It's cool. I just… need to think." He left, the doors swinging doors the only evidence he had been there at all.

Tears spilled down Willow's face as she stared at the doors Oz had just walked through, and Buffy bit back another sob. Willow's face reminded her of a different time, and a different place, and a different someone disappearing into to the smoke.

"You know, I'm beginning to think Buffy likes having demons as her friends just a little too much." Xander accused, moving to comfort Willow. "How could you do this to her Buff?" He motioned to Willow "Do all your friends turn into demons?"

"Xander…" Willow protested weakly "its ok"

Buffy's eyes narrowed as she looked at Xander, months of desperation, and never doing the right thing suddenly coming to a head.

"How could I?" She ground out. "HOW could _I_?" Pacing in an effort to calm herself, she spun on him. "I have been going through HELL the last few months! You know nothing!"

Giles turned from his research, desperately trying to read between the lines. Buffy advanced on Xander, her eyes glinting as she delivered blow after devastating blow.

"And than, when I think things can't possibly get worse, I end up HERE!" The whole room seemed to flinch at her statement. "Here! Where I have to deal with the one thing in my life that I NEVER wanted to deal with EVER again! Angelus!_" _She wiped her cheeks angrily. "I'm sorry, that I forgot about Oz ok? I'm sorry! Forgive me if I have to take a moment to try and figure out what the HELL is going on!"

"Buffy!" Giles called, blinking as he realized she was gone. Speed, apparently, was something else that a slayer developed over time. His eyes landed on Xander. "You should be ashamed." He chastised the boy. "You have no idea what she's gone through."

"Oh and you do?" Xander volleyed defensively, covering up the wave of guilt that had settled over him as he realized for the first time that there was more going on with Buffy then met the eye. _Ok, so I have to get hit over the head with it. _

Giles shook his head, forgoing his answer to Xander as he headed for the door, not sure where she would go, but determined to look all the same.

"Giles wait!" Willow called as she watched him pace towards the door. "Let me go."

********

Tears streamed down Buffy's face as she fled the library. Her feet pounded the pavement. She ran as though the devil himself were at her heels, needing to put as much distance between herself and the library as possible. Sinking to her knees, she reached her destination; the hill where the first evil had tried to convince Angel to end it all.

She meant everything she said to him that night, and yet two years later she had gladly jumped to her death to save her sister.

She had welcomed the end.

In that instant she understood just what Angel had been going though. It was a relief to know she wouldn't have to get up and fight another morning, a peaceful sort of bliss to know that the aching pain that had consumed her since Angel left would finally be gone. Curling into a ball she began to sob, rocking herself back and forth slowly as she cried. Her whole being aching for the one person who wasn't there, who hadn't been there in a very long time.

"Angel…" she sobbed

Willow found her, hours later, still curled up, shivering despite the sun.

"You must hate me now." Buffy spoke, staring out at the town.

"Oh, Buffy… No"

"I hate me."

Willow took this in, rubbing her hand in slow circles on Buffy's back. She missed her friend. She wasn't sure what to make of her lately. This Buffy was much more quiet and sad. She didn't think she'd seen Buffy look happy since the morning of her seventeenth birthday. Willow shivered as she thought of what in the future could be bad enough to affect Buffy like this, to steal her joy so completely. She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Do you hate me? In the future?" She asked, dreading the answer. "Did I, do something?"

Buffy raised her eyes to Willow's. How do you explain four years of friendship dynamics? Four years of laugher and betrayal, of battles, and magic, and pain? It was hard, especially when she knew that everything that Willow did, she did because she loved her and wanted the best for her. Willow might not always understand her, but even pulling her out of heaven had been done out of love. Willow thought she was stuck in some hell-dimension.

"I don't hate you Willow." Buffy sighed "Things are… different, in the future. It's hard to explain. But I don't hate you. You're still my best friend." Buffy offered her a small smile. It was true. No matter what Willow did, she was still Buffy's closest friend. Nothing could change that.

"Really?" Willow's face lit up, relief spilling across her features.

"Really" Buffy assured her. "Come on, I need to get home before my mom figures out I skipped school."

"Still grounded huh?"

"Yeah, and let me tell you, it sucks!" Buffy rolled her eyes heavenward. "I almost miss Dawn, at least she would take the focus off me for a while."

"Who's Dawn?"

"My 15 year old sister" Buffy laughed at the look on Willow's face. It felt good to laugh again. "That's the hellmouth for ya…"


	5. Angel

**Sorry I took a bit to get this out. I wanted to try and post a chapter a week, but with the holidays comming I don't know if that will happen. I still know where I am going with this story, so don't worry... My muse is just being a bit difficult right now. :) **

* * *

**Chapter 4 {Angel}**

"_I see you again, and it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me." Angel ( ATS 1x19 Sanctuary) _

_***** _

As Buffy patrolled later she felt a little lighter. It was good to be able to talk to Willow. She had forgotten how fiercely loyal her friend had once been. It was nice to have someone on your side, believing in you no matter what. Even the whole Oz thing hadn't shaken Willow's faith in her friend.

Buffy thought back, trying to remember when it was that Willow's faith in her had started to wane. It was around the time that Angel came back from hell, she realized. When Faith went psycho it had deepened. Then Oz left, and Willow desperately needed a friend. Buffy had been too deep in despair due to Angel's leaving to see how much her friend really needed her. That was when Willow started delving deeper into magic, started trying to use it as a means to escape.

Buffy didn't blame her. Hadn't she done the same thing, except with Riley and slaying? She had wrapped herself up in them so tightly that she couldn't let anyone else in. She didn't want to. They used her up and spit her out. She used Riley as a means to try and forget Angel, and slaying was a way of expressing her anger at the world that had torn her and Angel apart. Neither worked. Riley got fed up and left, realizing she could never give herself to him completely. And in the end she jumped off a tower, still angry at the world she was saving once more.

"Where's your boy-toy?" A voice from behind startled her out of her musings. Buffy gripped her stake and swung around.

"Spike"

"I heard he went and lost that pesky soul of his." Spike taunted the slayer ruthlessly. He was still quite angry that she had almost succeeded in burning him alive. "But than again, you never were very good for each other were you? Slayer, vampire, and all that" He waved his hand dismissively. "What I'd like to know is why you've got the wanker all chained up back at the mansion. Might make for an interesting story." He leered at her. "You know, one I can tell the kiddies while I'm killing them."

Buffy looked at him, bored. "Honestly Spike? You really don't get any smarter." She dove towards him, her stake missing him by inches. She brightened "But it's really fun to watch you try"

Spike twisted, catching her by surprise he grabbed her head, slamming it into a nearby tombstone. Stars exploded behind her eyes, for a moment she could hear his voice, whispering to her from her past, taunting her,

"_See pet, every slayer has a death wish…"_

"_Eventually, you'll want it..."_

"_And when you do, I'll be there... And I'll have myself a really, __**good**__, day." _

She pulled herself together and shot forward, dancing out of his grasp.

"You wait and see" he spat at her, having picked up on her mood. "Someday, you'll want it." He taunted, circling.

"Save it Spike." She shot back, her anger at herself, and the way she had allowed him to use her, sharpening her, driving her to make him pay. "I'm just glad you're not chipped yet. It means I won't feel bad if I kill you" Buffy came at him again, throwing him against the wall of his crypt. _Well, it's probably not his crypt yet _She mused.

"Maybe, but not you Spike. It will NEVER be you" Her answer, like so many others since she returned, was an echo from her past. Spike growled at her, landing a kick to her ribs as he advanced.

"Have you gone off your bleeding rocker Slayer?" he groused, as he was once again pummeled into the dirt.

"Nope, I'm all _here_" Her fist followed her statement, landing squarely in his jaw. Spike was beginning to wonder exactly why he thought it would be a good idea to pick a fight with the slayer tonight. _Oh no, she just looked so sad, and you just had to 'ave her. Probably a bloody trick! I'll bet she does that to all the vampires! Tricks them into attacking her and- Oh hell! _

Spike managed to shift at the last minute, causing the stake she drove into him to land in his gut and not his heart. _That was too bloody close!_

"Hey!" he hollered. He had no desire to actually get staked tonight. Bag a slayer maybe, but get staked, definitely not! Angrily he pulled the stake out. Survival instinct in overdrive, he dove at her, catching her legs he managed to toss her into a tree. Not waiting to see what she would do next, he took advantage of her momentary stillness to turn and disappear into the night.

******

**May 1999, 3 ½ months later. **

When they finally found it Buffy had to keep from hitting herself over the head for not thinking of it sooner. It was located in one of the old diaries that Jenny inherited after her uncle died. She hadn't even been looking for it when she stumbled across it. Jenny was just trying to understand why her uncle was so dead set on getting vengeance for a crime that had been committed so many years in the past.

It didn't take long to write a computer program that would translate it. Jenny shuddered as she recalled Buffy telling her what had happened the first night she had translated the ancient text.

Although translating it allowed it to be read, Jenny soon realized she was not nearly skilled enough to be able to remove the loophole on such short notice.

"It could take months of research" She explained "To be able to safely curse Angel without the loophole." Her gaze begged the slayer who had saved her life to understand. "I really don't think you want to risk Angelus getting loose while I do that."

Buffy nodded grimly. She didn't have much hope that Angel's curse even could be changed.

In the end it was decided that they should re-curse Angel a soon as possible. That way he could help them keep whatever evil was coming at bay, while Jenny tried to find a way to safely remove the loophole from his curse.

"Maybe the diaries will have something else of use in them." She suggested.

"Yeah" Buffy agreed. "None of us ever knew where you found the curse. We didn't even find out about it until months after you died, and by than all your stuff was gone, and your computer was destroyed."

Buffy explained everything she knew about the casting, including that the person doing the curse didn't need to be in the same place as Angel for it to work. Jenny nodded thoughtfully, deciding to go ahead with the plan to set up in the library. It had the most weapons and research options if something should go wrong.

Buffy shivered when she heard, trying to block out memories of the ambush that had killed Kendra, allowed Giles to be captured, and put Willow in the hospital. She felt physically sick as she made her way to the mansion. Jenny thought it would be best if she were there watching. She was, after all, the only one in the group that had seen it done before. Jenny had even lent Buffy her cell phone, telling her she would call as soon as the curse was complete.

"I thought she'd be happy." Willow remarked, watching Buffy grimly take the phone and set out for the mansion. "I mean, she wants Angel back, doesn't she?"

Giles looked up from mixing herbs to contemplate his answer. Buffy didn't want anyone else in the group knowing how far into the future she was from. 'Not yet' she told Giles. 'It will just bring up questions I'm not ready to answer.' She hadn't said much about Angel in the future. Only that he left. 'When' he left Giles wasn't sure. Personally, although somewhat guiltily, he had felt relieved when she told him, Buffy deserved more from life than a demon shrouded in darkness.

"I think the whole thing is very hard for her Willow" He finally answered the young girl. "Buffy…. She's been though a lot."

Jenny raised her eyes to look at Rupert's, his comment making her wonder what he wasn't saying. Buffy had only shared briefly with her about some of the things to come. Almost all of it had revolved around keeping Jenny and her uncle alive.

"The herbs are ready." She nodded to the group. "I'll call Buffy and let her know we're about to start."

Buffy hung up the phone and started at Angelus silently. She knew he had heard at least some of the phone call thanks to his vampire hearing.

"Still trying to get Soul Boy back, aren't you Buff?" He smirked at her. "You actually think your little gypsy friend can do it? It takes big power to pull off a curse like that. She doesn't have it!" He share shook his head at her, addressing her as though she were a child. "It took three of the clan's most powerful witches to curse me that day! Those magics are long lost!"

Buffy's eyes stayed level with his. She didn't back down from his stare.

"You know what I never understood Angelus?" Disgust etched her features "How you could live so long, and be so stupid." Angelus could only gape at her as she spoke her next words. The slayer was not making any sense. "Pride was always your downfall. You could have killed me, instead you chose to toy with me, foolishly thinking you could take me whenever you wanted. Well this game is over. You loose." His growl was interrupted by the phone ringing once more in her hand.

"Did it work?"

Buffy's gaze flickered to Angelus, his face much too smug for her liking. If he could have had his arms folded and his chest sticking out he would have. 'Haughty' didn't even come close to describing his mood.

"No. are you sure you did it right?"

"As sure as I can be. It's not like I've actually done the curse before." Jenny reminded her needlessly. Buffy frowned. Finding the curse was supposed to be the hard part. Actually casting it was supposed to be relatively simple. Than again, what, in her world, was ever simple?

"I know. I'm sorry. Maybe you could try again?" She hopped Jenny wasn't going to give up after only one try.

"I can try Buffy" Jenny offered through the phone. "I'm not sure what good it will do though."

Buffy drummed her fingers on the floor. She was trying to remember everything that Willow had told her about doing the spell. As far as she knew all her friend had done was read it. And from her hospital bed at that! Oz later told her that Willow's eyes had turned black, the first time that a spell had elicited that reaction in Willow.

The phone rang again.

"Well?"

"Nope" Buffy banged her head against the wall. She was missing something. She knew she was. There had to be something…

Suddenly it clicked.

"Jenny, I think Willow needs to do the spell." Buffy's fingers stilled as the missing piece of the puzzle fell into place.

"Buffy… I don't think that's a good idea." Jenny protested. "You have no idea what channeling that kind of power can do to a young mind."

_Trust me, I know_ Buffy rubbed her face tiredly. She knew too well the results that could come from allowing this to take place. She had been brought back to life because of that chain reaction.

She didn't have a choice.

This was Angel.

"No, listen. Angelus said that it took 3 of the clan's most powerful witches to curse him that day. He said you'd never have the power to do it. And he's right."

"You're saying that Willow has more power than I do?" Jenny briefly frowned at the thought. It wasn't like she was a full fledged witch or anything, but she had been doing spells and castings for quite some time now. She didn't like the thought that a young unpracticed girl could wield more power than she.

"Jenny, it was Willow that cursed him before." Buffy reminded her softly. "In the future, Willow is a very powerful witch. She's gotten so powerful that it's beginning to get out of control. That's why I wanted to leave her out of this." She sighed. "Apparently I don't have a choice." Buffy ran her fingers through her hair, waiting for Jenny's response.

"Ok" Jenny finally relented, knowing it was out of her hands. "We might as well give it a shot."

Buffy hung up the phone and stat back to wait. Angelus' eyes had gone very wide. The longer the girl talked, the worse it seemed for him. She was from the future.

_Well that answers a lot of questions!_

Not only was she from the future, but she was from a future where they had apparently been successful in restoring his soul, AGAIN. He scowled at the thought. His chest began to tighten, and he was suddenly glad he didn't need to breathe. Fire shot through him, ripping him from the inside out. His whole body spazmned as he fought to stay free, gasping, he knew it was only a matter of time.

Buffy watched as Angel's body contorted and twisted in the chains. Relief flooded her as she saw a light shine though his eyes. It worked. Angel was back.

Suddenly a pain shot down her neck, radiating though her body. Spots danced before her eyes, as she slumped against the wall.

***

The sound of the phone brought her back to consciousness. She rubbed her neck. The pain was gone now. It had come on so suddenly that if she hadn't blacked out she would have thought she imagined it.

"Hello?"

"It worked didn't it?! I know it did! That was so cool! I totally felt something go though me, and than that orb did the glowingy thingy, and-"

"Willow!" Buffy's voice brought her friend back to earth. "It worked." Buffy's eyes flickered to Angel. He was still unconscious.

"I knew it!" Willow's excitement was contagious. Buffy grinned wryly

"Giles and Jenny said to tell you they're on their way to the mansion. I guess they want to see for themselves. I'd come too, but, you know, homework."

"Don't remind me." Buffy was still getting used to the whole 'I'm a teenager and have to report to adults thing' again. She glanced over and saw Angel's eyes beginning to flutter. "I gotta go Will, Angel's waking up."

Buffy got up and moved closer to Angel, she layed her hand on his arm as he thrashed around, pulling against the chains. She desperately wanted to unchain him, but she had to be sure.

"Buffy?" Angel's eyes fluttered open, and she nearly cried when she saw his soul shining back at her. Angelus could fake a lot of things, but his eyes were empty chasms, deep pits of nothingness. Angel's were not. Quickly Buffy moved to undo the chains. Angel rubbed his wrists, vaguely noting that they were chafed as if he had been chained for a while.

"Buffy?" He tried again "What's going on? I-I can't remember…I…everything's so muddled." He watched helplessly as tears began to stream down Buffy's face.

His words had caused a torrent of emotions in her. Memories of Acathla came flooding back, of being forced to kill him while he was still unaware of the crimes his demon had committed. Shudders ran though her as it replayed itself in her mind. The look on his face when she shoved the sword though his gut, his arm reached out to her, not understanding why she had done this to him, why couldn't save him. Bile rose in her throat. She pushed it down. There would be time for that later. Right now Angel needed her.

"Angel" She breathed his name like a prayer, allowing him to pull her into his arms. Her body shook against him as he fought to remember, tried to piece together why he had been chained, and what had gone on.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Her voice came out raspy, full of tears.

"I…" What was the last thing he remembered? Angel fought to clear his mind. "Your birthday, you had a dream Drusilla killed me." Buffy let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. "We, I…" Angel swallowed. "No" He shook his head. Now that the memories were coming back he desperately wanted them gone. "Oh god"

Buffy whimpered as Angel pulled away, stepping back as he looked at her in horror.

"Please, no…"

"Angel its ok" Buffy took a step towards him, only to have him jump back like a wounded animal.

"NO! It's not ok!" He stepped back further, the memories washing over him in waves. "NO, NO, NO, NO!"

Buffy shoved down panic as it occurred to her that maybe she should have kept him chained. It looked more and more like he was going to bolt, and in his state of mind…

_Why didn't it occur to me that this would happen? Stupid! _She chastised herself.

At least night had just fallen. If he wanted to off himself it would take a little more work than just running out the door.

"Angel, please…" The pain in her neck was back, and it was taking all her strength to stay on her feet. Her body swayed a little, and she grabbed a chair to steady herself. Angel was still backing towards the door, his whole body shuddering as his memory returned. Suddenly his eyes flew to hers.

"Buffy?" He remembered the last conversation he overheard. "What..?" He darted across the room just in time to catch her in his arms. She was shaking. Her whole body trembled with the effort to stay conscious.

"My neck…"

Angel touched her neck, a scowl crossing his face as he felt the scar there. He wondered what had happened.

"Shh, it's ok." He tried to lay her on the couch, and found out in a hurry that she was not about to remove her arms from around his neck. "Come on Buffy, I need to lay you down."

"I can't…" Angel felt, rather then saw, her slump forward, her body going limp in his arms. He tried to lay her down again, but discovered her arms were still locked around him. Even unconscious she refused to let him go.

"She should be in here. I hope it wasn't a trick"

"Well, Willow's reaction was certainly real enough."

At the sound of voices Angel looked up, and saw Giles and Jenny, fully equipt with stakes and a crossbow, striding towards him. They took one look and immediately went on the offensive.

"Put her down!"

Angel realized too late that the way he was holding her looked a lot like he was trying to feed off her, especially with his hand still on her neck. He gulped.

"Giles, I'm not-" An arrow flew at him, missing him by inches. Angel stared at Buffy helplessly. "Come on, wake up" he muttered. "You need to let me go."

Giles was almost on top of him, trying to pry Buffy from his arms. Jenny had a cross at his face, and that wasn't helping matters either. His game face came out as he flinched away.

"I can't- she's not- She won't let go of me." He tried to explain around a mouthful of fangs.

"Angel..." Buffy finally began to stir, and Angel sagged in relief.

"Come on Buffy, you need to let go of me." If that cross came any closer he was going to have to jump across the room, and being that her arms were still locked around his neck, she would have to come with him. He wasn't sure he wanted to know how Giles would react if he did.

Buffy opened her eyes and took in the scene before her. She glared at Giles. "What are you doing?!" She shrieked "Get that thing away from him!"

Angel sighed as the cross retreated to a safe distance. Buffy unlocked her hands from around his neck, stroking her hand down his ridged face.

"I- We-" Giles sputtered, his eyes taking in the way she soothed the vampire. It spoke of a relationship he had yet to understand. Angel's face was back to normal now.

"Angel's fine."

Giles looked down, momentarily ashamed. "I'm sorry, it's just, well, it looked like-"

"He was trying to feed from me?" Buffy understood. "It's ok Giles." She rubbed her neck again. The pain was lessening. Her eyes flickered back to Angel's. She was almost glad for the pain. It had taken his mind off of everything that was happening, off everything he didn't understand. Buffy knew from the minute she told him that he would take responsibility for the things that his demon had done to her in the past. Even though she had avoided it this time, and even though it wasn't really him at all, he would still feel the guilt, still feel responsible. It was who Angel was.

Giles and Jenny were still staring at Angel, and she realized with a start that she was still in his arms. Carefully extracting herself, she acknowledged them quietly.

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions for Angel Giles, but I'd kind of like to explain some stuff to him before I have to get home."

"Yes, of course." Giles agreed. "I'll speak to you later than Angel?" Angel grunted in agreement. His mind was still churning. Her last phone call was fuzzy, and he wasn't sure if he was missing a memory, or if he simply hadn't heard enough to understand all that was going on. And something was going on. He knew it now just as his demon knew it then. Something was wrong with Buffy.

"Angel?" Her voice broke into his thoughts. He turned and saw that the great room was now empty, save for her and him.

"Buffy. What's going on?" his eyes met those of his beloved's, and what he saw scared him. Pain. Emptiness. Death. _What had happened to her?_ "What did you mean on the phone? You're from the future?" His eyes begged her to say it wasn't so.

"Angel, I…" She couldn't lie to him. "Yes" He licked his lips.

"What? I mean, why?" His eyes took on a horrified expression, "Angelus?" Buffy laughed. It was an empty laugh.

"No, your demon isn't responsible for this one." She shook her head "It was a spell. I don't know how, or why. Giles is working on it."

"So, in the past Angelus…?" His voice broke off, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

_Damn he was quic__k._ Even half dazed from his soul returning he still managed to connect the dots that led to him being chained in the mansion.

"Is that how you knew this mansion was mine?"

"It's yours?" It was Buffy's turn to stare.

"I bought it when I first came to Sunnydale. I didn't know how long…"

"It would be till I came" His eyes shot to hers. "Whistler sent you. You told me." Angel shook his head. No, he would have remembered telling her that. In fact, he was pretty sure that fact was on his list of things _never_ to tell her. The last thing he needed was for her to think he was a crazy stalker. He might be, but she didn't need to know about it.

Buffy smiled as she watched the emotions flicker over his face. Most people would have missed it, but she had long ago learned to read the subtle nuances in his eyes. For the moment she was just enjoying being with him again. For the first time in months her soul wasn't screaming for its mate. A calm had settled over her.

He would leave, she knew it as well as she knew her own name, but for now she was just thankful to see him.

"Buffy…" His voice was low. "What did he do?" She laughed nervously. That was Angel for you. Not 'how far from the future are you from' or 'how's your life now'. No, he wanted to know what his demon did. Because instinctively he knew it had to be 10 times worse. Buffy stood up and began to pace. She had to tell him. She wished to god she didn't.

Angel waited patiently. Trying not to let her know now alarming her behavior was to him. Whatever had happened, it was bad. He remembered her fight with his demon. She had lashed out at him with a hatred he had never witnessed before. Even now, anxiety was coming off of her in waves. Suddenly, he thought understood.

"I'll go"

"NO!" She yelled the word at him abruptly. "Don't you dare leave me Angel!" She threw herself at him with force. "Don't you dare leave me right now."

"But, I…"

"I'm not scared of you. Not you Angel. Never you." The last words came out as a whisper. His arms went around her, pulling her into his embrace. Fire shot through him as her body settled against his. It had been too long since he had held her like this. _Now is not the time_ he scolded himself. Carefully he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Tell me, love." He pleaded, desperately needing to know what had happened, what had caused the pain he now saw in her eyes.

"I killed you" It came out as a strangled whisper.

Of all the things he had expected her to say, that was not one of them. He reeled back in shock.

"It wasn't me Buffy, it was him." He soothed her, not knowing what else to say.

"No, it was you." Tears spilled down her cheeks as she rubbed her face in his shirt. Desperately clinging to the man she loved. "Angelus opened a portal. Your blood opened it, and only your blood would close it. Willow re-cursed you, but it was too late, and I…" Buffy broke off, sobs shaking her body. Of all the things that Angelus had done to her, this was by far the worst. He had made her kill the one person she loved the most. She had been forced to send Angel to hell.

Angel held her until her sobs abated, gently rubbing circles in her back. He listened while she stuttered though all that Angelus had done. His heart grieved what she had gone through. He should have known, it was his damn curse! He should have known that it could be broken!

Even while she told the story, he was picking up on other indicators. One minute she was leaning into him, as though to hold on for dear life and the next she was pulling away, as if touching him was something she couldn't handle.

He turned his attention back to her, listening as she stumbled through an explanation of why she had to leave. Her mom, she was grounded, or had been grounded. He wasn't really sure. Standing, he watched as she disappeared into the night, wondering if things would ever be ok again.


	6. Regrouping

**A/N- So I changed the rating from T to M now, things heated up a bit between Buffy and Angel and I'd rather be safe than sorry. :) Also, this is my first time delving into this kind of stuff, so I hope I it reads ok. **

**A/N2- Sorry this one took a bit longer to get out, I have 2 small kids and things around the holidays have been pretty crazy. **

* * *

**Chapter 5 {Regrouping}**

"_I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not, I feel you, inside. And it throws me." Buffy Summers (ATS 1x8 I will remember you)_

As Angel watched her leave he wondered about the new connection he felt with her. It was as if she was deep inside him, and he could feel her departing. He was amazed at how empty he felt the further away she got. He wondered if she felt it too. They had always had a connection, but never quite like this. What had caused it? Was it because they had slept together? His mind had no more than formed the thought than he felt his body respond. Memories of that night came to the fore, and it was amazing how fast he hardened. Buffy. God he wanted her. A wave of grief swam through him. _No use thinking about that now. _

As he climbed the tree he told himself he was not stalking her. He just wanted to make sure she got home ok. He just wanted to see her sleeping. He wanted to make sure this all wasn't some strange dream, or, more accurately, nightmare. Peering in her window he watched her toss in her sleep. Her face was troubled, and he wondered what she was dreaming about. She hadn't had time to tell him much before she left. He knew she was from the future, and that she had killed him. _Killed him!_ The thought should bother him more than it did. He should be scared of her, but he wasn't. He could see on her face how much it had hurt. Had she moved on? Was she now with someone that could give her children, someone who could take her into the light? His heart clenched at the thought, and he watched as she spasmed in her bed. He frowned. Something else was going on. Something she hadn't told him. He dully noted that the aching he felt when she had left was gone now that he was close to her again.

He wanted nothing more than go to her. To rock her in her sleep, to somehow right the wrong that had been done to her. He couldn't. He forced himself down from the tree and away from his love, the emptiness eating at his soul.

Buffy woke as her body responded to her mate's leaving. She thought about going after him, but pushed it aside. The sooner she got used to being separated from him the better. It had taken her a long time to get used to the pain. Having him close again was taking the edge off and making it harder to bear when it returned. Her hand reached up to rub the scar on her neck, tingles shooting out from the spot. It was her only connection to him once he was gone. Some nights it ached with a fierceness she couldn't imagine, pulling on her as though to rip her apart. Unbidden his words came to mind.

"_When we're apart, it's easier. It hurts, everyday, but I live with it. Now you're right here…and I can actually reach out, and…It's more than confusing, it's unbearable. _

Tears slid down her cheeks as she remembered their lost day. She wished she could have remembered it when it mattered. She wished more than anything she could have kept her promise to him. Only after she had been pulled from the grave had the memories surfaced. Apparently when Willow pulled ALL of her out of heaven, she had gotten ALL of her. Including memories she wasn't supposed to have.

*****

Buffy told herself it was stupid, and unnecessary, but that didn't stop her from making her way out the window with the blood she had gotten for Angel earlier that day. She had been taking Angelus blood every night now for 3 ½ months, and as much as she hated to admit it, she missed Angel. She had a long day at school and hadn't been able to get away. Despite the fact that she knew most of the work, Giles felt that it would draw unneeded attention to her if she missed more classes than usual. Thankfully, she had been able to hold him off from talking to Angel. It was Friday, she told him. She wanted a few days to explain everything to Angel before the group bombarded him. Could he possibly wait until Monday? Thankfully he'd agreed and given her the weekend.

So now here she was, making yet another midnight trek to the mansion with blood. Her insides twisted, she was nervous about seeing him. Last night they had only covered what had happened up until she sent him to hell. She had omitted certain parts of Angelus' rampage, though instinctively she knew he was probably well aware of that fact. He had 100 plus years of Angelus' deeds running through his head. He knew all too well the horrors he was capable of.

Buffy entered the mansion quietly, smiling as she took in the site before her. Angel was sitting next to the lit fireplace, legs folded, reading a book. It was scene she had come upon many times before. A small sob caught in the back of her throat. After Angel left she had come here many times to stare at that fireplace. They had whole discussions, the fireplace and her. She spoke to the fireplace as though it were Angel himself, pouring her heart out, sometimes screaming at the top of her lungs, she would berate him for leaving her, for condemning her to a life without him, for forcing her to be with Riley, for leaving her to die.

"Buffy" His voice brought her back to the present.

"I brought you some blood" _I needed to see you._

"Thanks" Angel took it greatfully. He hadn't thought of it last night, and by the time it occurred to him he needed food, the sun had been up. He watched her as he began to drink, wondering if it bothered her. He remembered Angelus loudly slurping the blood in an effort to goad her. Buffy had never so much as blinked.

"What's it like?" At his question Buffy turned from the fire to look at him. She knew what he meant.

"The future? It's…" She paused. There was so much she could tell him, so much she wanted to share. At the same time, she was worried. How close should she allow herself to get to him? Just being around him was dangerous. He had only been back a day, and already she wanted to throw herself into his arms, tell him everything, and let him soothe away the hurt. She wasn't as strong as she had been before. She knew what it was like to live without him, and wasn't sure she could do it again.

"You came back" she wasn't sure what made her say it, but it was out now.

Angel raised his eyes to her.

"Came back?"

"From hell" she was staring into the fire again. "Six months after I sent you to hell, I found you. You'd been there for almost 100 years."

"100 years…" he whispered, carefully watching her profile "How?"

"I don't know. You didn't talk about it. I didn't ask." Buffy looked over at him "You were really weak when I found you, and you didn't remember much. E-Eventually you got better… remembered stuff."

She stopped. She wasn't sure why she was telling him this. A minute ago she had been considering not telling him that he came back at all. At least then she wouldn't have to tell him how he had left her.

Angel watched her as she stuttered to a stop, wondering what she wasn't telling him. He wanted to go to her, but her body language suggested that she did not want him near. She held herself aloof. Where was the girl that he remembered? The one that held her heart out for all to see? Every now and than he glimpsed her, a fleeting look, a distant smile…

"What happened Buffy?" His words were almost her undoing. Her heart clenched. She could not let him in, she would only loose him.

The eyes she raised to him chilled him to the bone. They were dark, and he wondered when the light in them had gone out so completely.

"It's been four years Angel. I've fought a lot of battles. I've seen a lot of death. It takes its toll." Her admission slammed into him with all the subtlety of a freight train. Four years? She had been sent back four years? And yet somehow he knew that time alone was not entirely to blame for the shell of a girl that stood before him.

Buffy wasn't sure why she told him how far in the future she was from. It wasn't something she thought about, she just did. _Damn her_ she was too used to sharing everything with him. Even though he'd been gone for years, it was a need still deeply ingrained in her.

"Giles knows, I haven't told the others yet… how far I mean." Angel nodded. He could understand. Telling them would raise questions about the future that she probably didn't want to answer. Overcome by a sudden need to hold her, Angel couldn't stop from pulling her into his arms. Contrary to her body language, she went willingly, sighing as his arms enveloped her. He kissed the top of her head, wishing he knew what to say to make it better. There was so much he didn't know, so much she wasn't telling him.

"I love you" He whispered

Tears slipped down Buffy's cheeks as she heard the words he whispered into her hair. _Oh Angel. _She allowed herself the pleasure of being in his arms again. She loved the feeling of his hard body against her, lighting a fire in her middle. Her arms stole up around his neck, and she carefully pressed her slips against his. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but like everything between them it quickly spun out of control. His tongue traced her slips hesitantly, stealing inside to tangle with hers. Moaning she opened her mouth and responded, nipping at his lips with urgency.

Angel had to bite back his own moan when he felt her blunt teeth nip at his bottom lip. He hauled her against his body, pressing his hardness against her. Buffy responded in kind, sliding her hand down his back, she pushed against his hips, grinding into them almost violently. Angel gasped at her animalistic response, his whole body felt fevered as he felt her hand push forcibly on his ass, holding him against her. It was his undoing. He growled deep his chest as he picked her up and spun them, slamming her back against the nearest wall.

Buffy shuddered as they slammed into the wall. He was everywhere at once, his body blanketing her as his mouth and lips gently assaulted her neck. She swallowed the scream the rose when his hand stole under her shirt, carefully stroking her breast.

"Angel…" she gasped "You feel..." Her hands tore at his shirt as she grabbed for more flesh. She needed more. Something. Anything. She needed him. Now.

Angel's lips instinctively found the scar at her neck. It pulled him in, drawing him like a drug. He grazed his teeth over it unknowingly, biting slightly. Buffy bared her neck to him submissively, whimpering as he nipped harder. Angel fought to regain control as he sunk his blunt teeth into her, his body hardening all over again as she let out a primal scream.

The moment she felt his teeth sink into her, Buffy was lost. Her body responded in a way she had never felt it before, every limb tingled as she arched into him without conscious consent. The scar on her neck left a trail of fire as it burned its way to the pool of liquid heat that settled between her legs.

"Oh god…. Angel!" _Don't stop, please don't stop_

Angel crashed back to earth. His whole body stiffening as he realized what was on her neck. He pulled back, almost dropping her in his haste. An angry rumble formed low in his chest, as he stared, slack jawed, and fought against the possessive rage that was trying to consume him.

Buffy tossed her head, almost crying when she realized Angel had stopped. Common sense was slow in coming as she took in his disheveled appearance, slightly confused by the anger in his eyes.

"A-Angel, I'm sorry, I-" She stuttered to apologize for their lack of discretion, mentally chastising herself. The last thing they needed was Angelus back on the loose!

"Who marked you?" Angel's eyes were black as he fingered the scar on her neck. He had never marked anyone himself, but he knew what it was. A vampire bite. The mark of a mate.

"_Who?!"_

Buffy jumped, her eyes going wide as she raised her hand to finger the scar. She frowned and wondered why she hadn't noticed it before. Than again, she was used to it being there. When she had first been sent back, she had made note of its absence, almost crying the first time she had looked in the mirror and realized it was gone. So why was it back?

"Buffy!" Angel's angry voice broke into her thoughts. His eyes were glowing and his face was drawn. Buffy could tell as she looked at him that he was using all his control to keep from vamping out. She sighed softly.

"You did Angel"

It was Angel's turn to gape at her. "Explain" he growled.

Possessiveness surged though him. He was upset, and she wasn't making any sense. Sometime between now and her 17th birthday she had been claimed, mated, bonded. And he knew it hadn't been by him!

_Gee, caveman much Angel? _Buffy groaned, how could she explain something she didn't understand? She hadn't a clue how his mark had gotten back on her neck.

"I- you- um… in the future-" She choked on the word. "You- fed… from me." It was whispered so quietly a normal man wouldn't have heard it. She wasn't making much sense and she knew it. "You were… poisoned. The only cure was to drain a slayer."

"I would NEVER" Angel interrupted her forcefully. She nodded, knowing it was true, even as close to death as he had been that night, it had still taken all of her strength to hold him to her, to keep his fangs deeply imbedded in her neck…

She closed her eyes as a shiver passed through her. "I forced you Angel, you didn't have a choice."

_*You have to live Angel… I won't let you die… Drink… drink me.*_

Buffy allowed herself to remember... Her body responding as images of her and Angel on the floor of the mansion swam before her eyes. His body shielding hers, his fangs sunk deep into her neck, the way he cradled her to him as his hardness pressed against her…The feeling of being one with him. The explosive climax that had gone on forever, taking over her whole body, leaving her limp and sated as the darkness claimed her…She was helpless to fight the wave of heat that rose as her mind replayed the events of that night.

Angel watched her eyes flicker as she stared through him. When the smell of her desire reached him, he almost growled at the knowledge. She had enjoyed it. He was suddenly hard and aching, a battalion of images running rampant in his mind. The thought of his fangs and cock sunk deep inside her…

"That still doesn't explain why I marked you." Angel barked somewhat forcibly as he reigned his thoughts back under control.

Buffy nodded as a look of confusion passed across her face. She hadn't known what he had done until after he left. Curious as to why his bite had left a scar, on her otherwise scar-less body, she had researched the mark. Shock didn't begin to cover the way she felt when she found out what it was, what it meant. It was supposed to be a bond, the sign of a mate, a promise to never leave. Instead he bound her to him; and than turned and walked away; leaving her alone to pick up the pieces.

"I don't know" she finally whispered. "You were dying… I was trying desperately to save you...I- Maybe it was an accident?" It was the only explanation she could come up with that ever made any sense.

"You don't mark someone on accident Buffy, It's impossible." The words came out of his mouth on auto-pilot, his mind still numb with the shock of what he had somehow done.

She nodded dully as he confirmed what she had suspected all along.

"I don't know" she repeated, running her hands over the back of the couch, fiddling with the blanket to avoid his eyes.

"You never asked me?" his voice was incredulous, as he willed her to make some kind of sense. _Please tell me this isn't true. Please tell me I didn't do this to you. _

Tears filled her eyes. From the moment he had discovered the mark she had known it would come to this, she had no choice. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

"You left" She spun as she said it, walking away to keep him from seeing the tears that were spilling down her cheeks. It was no use. She knew he could smell them.

Angel's head shot up. "I left? I marked you, and I LEFT?" Buffy smiled wanly, turning to meet his stricken eyes.

"You said… I needed sunshine, and picnics… and children. You were already planning to leave when you got poisoned, I knew that going in. It wasn't about that Angel." She tried to make him understand. It wasn't about keeping him with her. It never had been. It was about the fact that she needed him to live. She needed to know he was out there somewhere, fighting… living. She almost hadn't made it after she was forced to send him to hell. There was no way she could ever let him die if there was any way to stop it.

Angel stared at her, unwilling to understand what she had just told him. He could understand why he had left her. She deserved more. He had contemplated leaving many times, for just the reasons she had mentioned. Now add to that the fact that he couldn't even make love to her… But than WHY had he marked her? Claimed her? Bonded himself to her? And he had never explained? Did they not talk after he left? He couldn't see that. He couldn't imagine a world where he and Buffy didn't at least talk to each other.

"But, that happens in the future. Why do you have the scar now?" It was the only thing he could think of to say. His insides were at war over what she was telling him.

"I don't know. I didn't have it when I first got here." Buffy shrugged. Her fingers unconsciously traced the ridges on her neck, gently stroking it. She couldn't believe how glad she was it was back. She didn't even care why.

He watched as she stroked the scar lovingly. He could almost feel it, soothing him. Understanding dawned. "That explains why…" His voice trailed off. Buffy knew what he meant. It explained why they felt so connected. Why she could feel him, now more than ever before.

"Yes. It didn't really… I mean… we didn't…well, you left, and…" she really didn't know where she was going with this. "I don't really know how much of a connection we have." She finished lamely.

Angel nodded slowly, his mind still berating the fact that he had marked her and than left her. _Damn it! _He reached out and touched her arm lightly, ignoring the zing that went though him when their bodies touched.

"The pain?" He hoped she knew what he meant, because he wasn't sure if he could explain further. His brain felt disconnected from his mouth. It wasn't like he had ever been bound before.

"You get used to it." Buffy looked slightly sick as she spoke. "When you first went to Los Angeles it was almost unbearable, but you found some way to close off the link. Maybe it was willpower, maybe it was a spell. I don't know. Eventually I couldn't feel you as strongly anymore. You were still there. But, not like it was at first." She didn't tell him how angry she had been when she first realized he had cut her off. She had reached out over the link for days trying to get him to return to her. The pain of him being gone was too much for her to handle. Eventually it must have become too much for him too, but instead of returning to her, he had managed to shut her out, to keep her from pulling him back to her side. The pain had eventually become a numbing reality. Something that was there, but never acknowledged.

"Did I ever… come back?" He held his breath after he spoke, not sure he wanted the answer.

The tears that rolled down Buffy's cheeks answered his question long before her words reached his ears.

"No, you never came back."


	7. Dreams

**A/N - First of all I want to thank everyone who reviewed, I know I haven't gotten to answer too many people, but I am really thankful to everyone who has given me feedback. **

**A/N2- I'm sorry it took so long to update, and I can honestly say although I do have the story planned out, musie has been a bit fickle and seems to have left me high and dry. So bear with me as I try and get this thing back on track. **

**Thanks again! **

* * *

**_Chapter 6 {Dreams}_**

"_You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not, it's who you are." Kendra (BTVS 2x10 What's My Line part 2)_

*****

Buffy shivered slightly as she climbed back in her window, her eyes still burning from the tears she had shed. She allowed herself a moment of guilt. She had run from the mansion like a bat out of hell after admitting to Angel that he never came back. He had moved to comfort her, and it couldn't be helped. She could NOT let him get close to her again. She wouldn't survive it if he left her again. So she ran, stuttering something about sleep, she'd pulled herself away, her arms burning for his embrace. Now as she climbed into her bed, she rubbed them, achingly. She was caught in a web of her own making; her thoughts were of him still.

*

"_Buffy!" She stared open mouthed, her eyes strangely dry, as he reached to her from Acathla's open mouth, the sword still protruding from his gut as he begged her to save him. "I loved you!" He accused, his face morphing into that of a corpse, taunting her from the depths of hell. _

"_Angel!" She cried, reaching for him vainly, only to have him pull away in anger. _

"_You killed me!" _

_She saw him later, chained in the mansion, his whole body shaking with fear as she tried vainly to touch him. "You broke me, now I'll break you. Fair's fair." He spun and taunted gleefully, his face a mask of rage. _

_She saw him again with Faith, fangs locked in a brutal kiss, "She was so much better than you" He sneered, palming Faith's ass. "But than, just about anybody's better than you." _

"_B" Faith lifted her head with a wicked grin "Thanks for keeping him warm for me." _

"_NO!" Her voice became Dawn's as it rang in her ears, watching as she jumped off the tower. She felt the pain that consumed her as she realized this really was the end, and she'd never gotten to tell Angel goodbye. _

"Angel!" Buffy screamed as she jerked up in her bed. Sweat poured from her body, and she looked around in shock. The dreams were back.

********

Buffy trudged down the stairs the next morning, her body protesting as she poured herself a glass of juice. Fitful dreams and waking nightmares had tormented the slayer most of the night. She had drifted to sleep, her tired body aching for rest, only to be tossed into the throws of a hideous nightmare. She jerked awake, her still exhausted limbs responding to the threat, and though her eyes were open, she was suddenly back in her coffin, the air dank and damp as she clawed helplessly a the wood and cloth above her, suffocating, unable to get out. On and on the cycle continued, until her bed was soaked with sweat, and she lay awake and prayed for morning.

"Good morning"

Buffy almost dropped the glass as her mother entered the room. _Dead person walking!_ Her tired mind screamed, unable to make the connection. The image of her mother, dead on the sofa, flashed before her eyes.

"Morning" She forced the reply. She had seen her mom many times since she had been sent back. Why she was having this response now she didn't know. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she had been hovering somewhere between nightmares and reality for most of the night. Not that there was much difference between the two.

"So what are you doing today?" Joyce wanted to know.

"I'm spending the day with Willow." Buffy answered her smoothly, not sure what her plans were yet. Her body wanted to crawl back under the covers and sleep. Her mind adamantly refused the rest, desperately needing to keep the nightmares at bay.

"Oh, ok. Well, I'm going to be at the gallery most of the day. We have a new shipment coming in, and I need to catalog everything." Her mother explained, tilting her head to look at her only daughter. "If you want to stop by later, you can." Buffy nodded, feeling guilty that she planned to do nothing of the sort. She had already lost her mother once. She wasn't sure she could do it again.

Lost in thought, she missed her mother's observant gaze.

"Ok, out with it young lady. What's going on? Is it a boy? H-Have you been doing drugs?" Her mother's accusation startled her back to the present.

"Wha…?"

Joyce grabbed her daughter's arms roughly, pushing up the sleeves to look for track marks. "Mom!" Buffy jerked back, hoping she hadn't used too much of her slayer strength on her mother. As it was, Joyce was too worked up to notice.

"Something is going on with you young lady, and I intend to get to the bottom of it." The elder Summers woman declared, looking every inch the mother Buffy knew her to be.

"Mom, nothing is going on!" Buffy protested, scrambling for an excuse that would placate her worked-up parent.

"Don't you try and pull that with me young lady!" Joyce's fist came down on the counter loudly. "Don't think I don't remember what happened before! You've been doing it again, coming and going at all hours of the night, your grades are horrible, you're avoiding me-"

"Mom, I'm a teenager, I'm supposed to avoid you." Buffy pointed out, cringing. _She should have seen my report card last time I took 11__th__ grade._

"That's no excuse, and you know it." Her mother shot back, clearly not amused. "I intend to get to the bottom of this Buffy. You can be so much, if you'd only apply yourself! There is so much you can do with your life."

The light suddenly went on, and Buffy's eyes softened as she looked at her mother. It wasn't her mom's fault that she was the slayer, destined to die a young death. For the first time, Buffy was thankful that her mother had died before her; that she had never been forced to burry her child.

"Mom, nothing's going on, I swear I-" The doorbell rang, mercifully cutting off Buffy's bumbling reply. Joyce shot her a look, one that clearly said 'this discussion is not over' and went to answer the door.

"Hello Mrs. Summers, is Buffy home?" Buffy's head shot up as the lilt of a familiar voice reached her ears.

It was true that Sunnydale was full of old ghosts, but this was one ghost she had not expected to see.

"Kendra?"

Buffy stared in shock as the young girl walked into her kitchen.

"Buff-y" her name rolled off her sister slayer's tongue like a cadence. Buffy licked her suddenly dry lips, opening her mouth to answer.

"Kendra" she whispered.

"Buffy, are you going to introduce your friend?" Her mother's voice pulled her out of her trance.

"Mom" she stared at her mother, confused for a moment. "This is, um, Kendra, from… school! And we are going to work on a… project! For history." She flashed what she hoped passed as a smile at her mother. Pulling Kendra towards the door as she spoke "Kendra and I, well, we need some books from Mr. Giles house… You remember him right? Good. So we'll be back… later." She slammed the door shut and whispered harshly to Kendra. "What are you doing here?!"

Kendra rolled her eyes. "Well I dinna know where Mhista Giles lived, and no one was at the school so..." She shrugged helplessly.

Buffy sighed. "Right" she dimly remembered the last time Kendra showed up, right as they were going to try and restore Angel's soul. She had brought the sword, Buffy remembered, the sword that she had used to send Angel to hell. But Angel had his soul back, and Acathla had been smashed into tiny pieces and thrown into ocean. So why was Kendra here?

"So…" Buffy ventured "What brings you to Sunnydale?" Kendra looked at her, surprised.

"You tell me. Me watcher said a dark power was aboot to rise in Sunnydale, he said you woulda need dis." Kendra shoved the sword at her roughly, patiently waiting for an explanation. Buffy set her mouth in a grim line, not liking the direction her thoughts were taking her.

"Let's get you to Giles house" she told the other girl, the beginnings of panic clawing at her throat. "I need to go see someone before I can explain anything."

*****

Buffy shoved Kendra into Giles apartment.

"Giles!" she called just a little too loudly, startling the watcher as he stood in the kitchen, pouring a cup of tea.

"Buffy!" He called surprised, he had not been expecting to hear from her for at least a couple of days. Especially now that Angel was back.

"Is something wrong with — Oh, Kendra hello" Giles raised his eyes slightly. "To what do we owe this visit?"

"We don't know yet." Buffy interrupted quickly, shaking her head at Giles slightly as she pulled him quickly down the hall. "We'll just be a minute Kendra!" She called over her shoulder, effectively slamming the bathroom door shut behind her, almost pinning Giles to the wall in the process.

"Buffy! Really? What's this about?" Giles sputtered, a bit un-nerved at how easily she had carried him through his own house. He straightened the wrinkles out of his shirt, scowling as he re-adjusted his glasses. Buffy stared at him, as though the answer should be painfully obvious. A thousand things seemed to be flashing though her eyes as she stared him down, and he vaguely noted that this was the most worked up he'd seen her in months. "Buffy?" he tried again. Her eyes focused on him then and the shutters came back down over her eyes so fast that he wasn't sure he'd seen anything at all.

"You can't let her know about Angel. Not yet."

"What? Why?"

"Look, Giles, something is going on, I'm not sure what yet, but I need to talk to Angel." Her eyes had taken on that look again, and although he was glad to see some form of expression in her eyes, he wasn't convinced.

"And you needed to drag me into my bathroom and pin me to a wall to tell me this… why exactly?" He shook his head as though to clear the cobwebs from it, his eyes following his slayer as she paced fervently from one end to the other of his tiny bathroom.

"Kendra's here, that's why!" Buffy stated again, as if it explained everything. He cocked his head at her quizzically, he could almost see her level of agitation rising.

"I'm afraid I don't understand." He tried again after it seemed she wasn't going to offer any other explanation.

Buffy threw her hands up, running one hand through her hair while the other one tapped restlessly on her hip.

"I don't know Giles. Just… keep her here until I get back, ok?" Buffy stopped at the door, turning again briefly. "And don't tell her about Angel!"

Giles walked wordlessly out of the bathroom, his head still spinning as he tried to make heads or tails of what was going on. If the last 3 months had taught him anything about Buffy, it was that she was not the girl that she had been 4 years ago. Since she had been sent back in time she did her duty, almost too well, his mind told him. She studied and trained, she had stopped ditching him to go out on dates and hang out with Willow and Xander. She was quiet, reserved, and other then that day when she told him what she knew about the spell, she had shared next to nothing with him about the future, or her part in it. He was no closer to figuring out why she had been sent back then he was when she arrived here.

Three months and Kendra showing up was the first thing other than Angel or Oz to get a notable reaction out of Buffy. His eyes drifted back to the young girl in his living room. Slayer or not, he was going to stay alert.

***********

"Angel!" Buffy burst through the door, heading straight for the bedroom. "Angel!"

"Buffy?"

Buffy almost sagged with relief at seeing Angel, sitting up in his bed, looking slightly disoriented.

"Buffy? What's going on?" Buffy threw herself into his arms, her panic causing her to forget her vow that she wouldn't touch him "It's happening again." She said in horror, everything that she had been trying to keep under wraps at Giles house spilling out. She shook her head back and forth violently. Her voice was muffled against his chest

"No, no, no. I can't live through this again, I can't." her body trembled as she fought for control, her mind barely registering the fact that she was completely loosing it in front of Angel. "What's going on? Why is she here? What am I going to do?" the questions spilled out in rapid fire.

"Buffy, what do you mean? Who's here?" Angel grabbed her arms, regrettably pulling her away from his chest to look into her eyes. "Hey, slow down… We'll figure this out." He soothed her calmly, hiding the way seeing her so rattled affected him. Buffy had always been the strong one. He was supposed to be the one with skeletons in the closet, not her.

Buffy made herself breathe as she looked into Angel's eyes. He was right, and panicking wasn't going to solve anything.

"Kendra, she, she showed up, right when she was supposed to. But she shouldn't have, because you're you, and you're not going to die! You're not." Buffy rambled.

Angel blinked as he tried to follow her. He was thankful she had told him some of what had happened before, otherwise he wouldn't have had a clue what on earth she was talking about.

Kendra.

Something clicked.

"She brought you the sword?" He ventured when she came up for air.

"Yes!" Buffy frowned. "She said her watcher sent her. It's exactly what she told me before, that there was a 'dark power' about to rise in Sunnydale."

"Me"

"Acathla" Buffy corrected him "But she shouldn't have come this time. You have your soul, and we smashed Acathla up last week. It doesn't make any sense." Buffy pulled back, suddenly aware that she was almost sitting on top of Angel, who was more than likely naked in his bed. "It's like the powers think what happened before is happening now..." Buffy stomach dropped as she said it, realizing exactly what was going on.

"You think they don't know you were sent back." Angel accurately guessed. Buffy's eyes shot to his.

"Yes" she agreed "And if that's the case…" Her voice trailed off as a thought came to her. "They're not finding it out from me."

Angel watched as Buffy sprung off his bed, too wired to stay in the same place for very long.

"Something is going on Angel. Something, or someone sent me back. And I'm not going to take the chance that they won't see it as a good thing and change everything back to the way it was."

Angel frowned, confused. Wasn't this what she had been waiting for? A chance to get back, to her time, and her place?

"But if they changed it, wouldn't you go home?" he pointed out, his mind quickly processing that she thought her being sent back was a 'good thing'. He had to admit, so far it had been. After all, Jenny was still alive. Still, he was cautious. Whoever, or whatever, sent her back had to have had a reason. What if, by not sending her back now, it would end up killing even more people then it had before?

"So I should just let the powers know that I'm here, so they can send me home, while you go to hell for a hundred years? I don't think so Angel." Buffy shook her head adamantly. "Not gonna happen."

"What makes you think these 'powers' aren't to be trusted?" Angel flinched at the dark look that passed across his lovers face.

"They have screwed me one too many times to be trusted." She stated firmly. "If they don't know I'm here, than good riddance to them." A determined look crossed her face "I'm going to get some answers."

"And how are you going to do that?" He chuckled a little at the thought of anyone crossing Buffy and living to tell about it.

"Because…" Angel watched as a look worthy of Angelus crossed Buffy's face. "I know who shows up next."


	8. Confrontation

**A/N- For all who didn't notice, I have the current status of this story as 'on hiatus' (which it is) I have a lot of things going on in my life right now, including finding out my husband and I are expecting child #3. However no sooner was this discovered, (and celebrated) than I began having complications. Needless to say things have been stressful and my attempts to work on this fic have been met with one dead end after another. The story is there, but the words aren't comming, and right now, I simply have more things to worry about. I have appreiciated everyone that has read and reviewed so far. I really do hope to get back to this fic once things settle down, and I hate to leave everyone hanging. However, after I put this on hiatus, I realized I never posted the last chapter that I had written, and figured I might as well give you something to naw on while I (hopefully) get my writting feet back under me. **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

Chapter 7 {Confrontation}

"_Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one is. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does." Whistler (BTVS 2x21 Becoming Part 1) _

* * *

"Are you sure this is a good idea Buffy?" Giles asked in a loud whisper. He told himself he was going to trust her, but right now her orders left him reeling. "You want me to leave the house, so that this… messenger can come, and you can…what, torture him for information?" The distaste was evident in his voice.

"I'm not going to torture him Giles….. At least not in the classic sense." Buffy rolled her eyes at Giles squeamishness. "I'm just going to keep him here long enough to get the information that I need. Hopefully without him finding out that I'm from the future." Buffy frowned. "The last thing that I need is the powers finding out that I'm on to them."

"Uh- on to them?" Giles asked weakly, removing his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. He found he was roundly ignored.

"You can go to the library. I'll meet you there after I've talked to him. I asked Kendra to go to my house. She can keep my mom busy… She's on some sort of kick right now, thinks I'm doing drugs or something." Buffy rolled her eyes.

"And what do you plan to tell her about the 'dark power' that her watcher was told about?" Giles questioned her warily. It was good to see her with a bit of color back in her face, even if it was at the prospect of pummeling some demon. Good demon, he mentally corrected himself.

"I'll tell her that someone was trying to bring Acathla forth, and we stopped them." Buffy picked up a knife and laid it within reach on the counter, checking her boot for the dagger she stowed there earlier.

"You think she'll believe you?" Giles asked, his eyes darting away from what Buffy was doing. She looked like she was preparing to go to war. And it looked like it was something she had done a hundred times before. A chill ran through him as she spoke her next words.

"She won't have a choice."

*****

Spike rubbed his hands together, almost giggling in glee as he watched the young woman making her way up the steps to Buffy's home. Two slayers in one day, it was almost too good to be true. He had planned on gaining access to the slayer's house, killing her mother, and than attacking her when she found the body. It was one of his better plans, he liked to think. At least he had one. Angelus, he had to admit, had been right, she was too strong for him to best in an outright fight. He had to gain the advantage somehow.

After watching her, he had decided that her mother was the best way to get to her. It was too dangerous for him to attempt going for her watcher, or one of her misguided groupies. They had taken to carrying crosses and stakes, not to mention they all knew who he was. No, her mother was clearly still the best way to go...With the other slayer here though… Spike grinned as he walked back to the factory. It would change his original plan, but if it worked, the rewards would be that much sweeter.

"Dru baby!" he called "I've got a surprise for you pet."

*******

Buffy tapped her toe as she waited, wondering, not for the first time, if she was making the right decision. She knew Giles wasn't happy, and tried not to think about it. He had left her. Not the other way around. Stubbornly she pushed aside the little voice that whispered to her that this Giles had done nothing to incur her wrath. He had been nothing but supportive.

She knew she was different, and she knew they could tell. And as much as she longed for things to go back to the way they used to be, she was too used to pushing them away, and too scared of being let down again, to let them in. Rationally, she knew something had to give. She had been caught in a pattern of self-destruction long before she was tossed back in time. The only difference now was that her friends were even more clueless now then they were in the future as to what had caused such a radical change.

Buffy was pulled from her thoughts when she heard a door closing quietly downstairs.

"Showtime" she whispered

******

"Hello?" Joyce opened the door, blinking somewhat owlishly at the young man on her doorstep. "Can I help you?"

"Uh, yes" Spike put on his best 'serious' face, and motioned to the girl beside him. "We're friends of Buffy's, can we come in?" Joyce glanced back and forth between the two people on her porch, pushing aside a momentary feeling of unease.

"Oh, are you here to help with her history project?" she asked pleasantly.

"Of course" Spike stifled an evil grin, shooting Dru a look to keep her quiet. "Her history project... She said she'd meet us here" He gestured towards the door again. Joyce followed his eyes and than blushed when it dawned on her what he wanted.

"Oh sorry, I am just so rude! Won't you come in?"

******

Buffy walked down the stairs in Giles apartment, her eyes landing on the demon she had seen only once before, the night he had told her how to kill Angel.

"There you are" he turned from his perusal of Giles apartment to watch her descend the stairs.

"Who are you?" she uttered the obligatory phrase, even though she knew what his answer would be. His was a face she would never forget, burned into her memory like so many others from that day.

"Whistler" He shrugged his shoulders with aggravating casualty, reminding Buffy of why he made her so angry the last time they had met.

"What do you know?" she bit her tongue to keep the questions from spilling out. If time had taught her anything it was this; never reveal all your cards before you know what your opponent has up his sleeve. And she was banking on the fact that he had quite a lot up his sleeve.

Whistler eyed the young girl evenly. It was obvious why Angel had fallen for her, even if he wasn't supposed to.

"None of us saw you coming." He finally answered her, inwardly impressed at how she held herself. He had expected to be pinned to the wall within minutes of her seeing him. "It wasn't supposed to go down like this. I always saw this as Angel's big day." He straightened his jacket, ignoring her frown. "Then you had to go and make with the smoochies…" He shook his head at her, as though bewildered at her apparent lack of self-control. "Now he's a creep again." Buffy growled low in her throat, forcing herself to focus on the information she needed to get from him, instead of the insults that were flowing from his annoying looking mouth.

"What do you mean, Angel's big day?" She demanded, wondering why she hadn't remembered this part of the conversation before. His eyes had widened at her growl, but he held his own, inwardly raging at his big mouth, while debating whether or not it would hurt anything to tell her. After a moment, he relented.

"There's this prophecy…"

_Prophecy…_

Buffy's eyes narrowed at the word.

"It says that one day, the vampire with a soul will Shanshu, live again." Whistler explained, the ghost of a sad smile flitting across his face. "I thought he was here to stop Acathla, not bring him forth."

*****

Spike followed Mrs. Summers into the house. He glanced over his shoulder, covering for Dru as she drifted up the stairs. "I'm going to kill a slayer" she sang quietly, clapping her hands quickly and tilting her head in glee.

"So, are you from the local college too?" Joyce called over her shoulder as she headed into the kitchen.

_College?_

"Uh, yeah" Spike agreed readily, his fangs sliding into place as he stalked through the house.

"Would you like some hot cocoa?" Joyce called from the kitchen.

_Had she just offered him hot chocolate?_ His eyes widened slightly as he rolled it around in his head. _What would it hurt?_

"Oh, sure" he heard himself say, his human visage coming back as he pondered "Say, do you got any of those little marshmallows to put in it?"

Kendra opened the bedroom door quickly, expecting to see Buffy on the other side. Before the door was fully open and arm darted through. Drusilla grabbed the slayer by the neck, holding her out in front of her as she began to chant.

"Be in my eyes" Drusilla whispered as her fingers danced in front of the slayers face. "Be in my eyes" she hissed again. Reaching out, she cradled the young girl's face, almost lovingly, before sinking her teeth down deep into her waiting throat. Spike was right, drinking a slayer was like eating the finest of chocolates… "All gone" she burped, giggling.

Carefully she picked up the young girl and headed for the stairs, Spike said to take her to the factory, then she would get to play.

*****

"Shanshu?" Buffy whispered "Wait, what do you mean, you thought?"

Whistler paused again, wondering how much to tell her. If the powers found out he was talking to her, his goose was royally cooked. Get in, tell her how to use the sword, get out. That was what they said. His work was done. Still, he felt a little guilty, knowing he had played a part, albeit unwillingly, in all of this.

"The powers, they aren't so clear." He shrugged "I really shouldn't say anymore." He backed towards the door, inwardly holding his breath.

Faster than you could say 'bought your uncle' Whistler found himself pinned to the wall. "I always knew you were a wall-pinning type of girl." He wheezed appreciatively. Buffy glared at him.

"I'm running out of patience." She smiled tightly. "I want to know what's going on" She pushed her arm a bit deeper into Whistler's windpipe. "And you are going to tell me." Whistler nodded quickly, immortal or not, being pinned to the wall by your neck was still painful. "Now" Buffy began, "Tell me why you sent Angel to me."

"There- there was this prophecy" He rambled as Buffy's arm pushed him deeper into the wall.

"I am really starting to hate that word" She muttered threateningly. "What _prophecy_" she spat out.

"I-I don't know really. I don't know! I don't know!" He cried as she reached for a knife he had spotted lying on the counter. "I swear I don't know!"

"Then tell me what you do know." She hissed, still fingering the knife appreciatively.

"Ok! Ok! Loosen up on the neck will ya?" Whistler grumbled as she allowed him to rest his feet on the floor. "Look, right before you were called they sent me to him. He was a class act at the time too, I'll tell you what. Livin on the streets of New York, eatin rats… really not his best look, not to mention the smell." He shuddered. "All they told me, was that you were his destiny. I was supposed to get him cleaned up, and send him to you. They figured that would be enough. The rest was up to him."

"And" Buffy persisted

"And what?! What do you want, a freakin guide book? That's all I know." Whistler pressed himself up against the wall as she paced the room, agitated. He really didn't fancy getting himself pinned to the wall again.

"Listen!" She spun on her heel to face him again, her face still a mask of rage. "You sent him to me, I slept with him, now I have to kill him. Explain to me, how, exactly, that could be his destiny?!" She picked up the knife and twirled it in her fingers, making sure he noticed as she continued. "What exactly does your little prophecy say, 'Since we haven't wreaked enough havoc Buffy's life as it is, let's rip her heart out too?"

Whistler gasped as the knife the slayer had been holding imbedded itself deeply into the wall, just inches from his face.

"I swear I don't know Slayer! I swear I don't know."

*******

"So," Joyce set the cup down in front of Spike, and smiled gently "How old are you Spike?"

"uh.." Spike thought fast "Twenty-three" he nodded quickly "Yeah, I'm twenty-three." His chest puffed out a bit at his quick thinking. Dru would be awful proud.

"Where's your girlfriend?" The slayer's mom wondered as she looked towards the steps.

"Ah!" Spike yelled almost jumping out of his seat "She, she had to go home and get something." He returned to his hot chocolate, wondering again why he didn't just kill her.

"Oh, ok."

If she thought anything was off, she chose not to show it. "So, have you two been together long?"

*****

Buffy sighed as she headed for her house, her mind spinning in a thousand directions. Prophecies…she really, really hated them. They had a way of screwing up her life, one way or another. Hopefully Giles would be able to figure out what Whistler was talking about. For a second she wished she could talk to the Angel from her time. She wondered if he knew anything about what was going on. She knew Wesley had joined up with him, and Wes was almost as obsessed with prophecies as Giles. Maybe he had found something in one of his studies?

Buffy shrugged it off. As far as she knew Wesley was still at the Watcher's Academy being 'head boy' and there was no way for her to talk to Angel. Future Angel, she amended. For now she needed a clear head. And she needed to figure out what exactly to tell Kendra to keep her and her watcher from going all wiggy.

Buffy paused as she neared her front door, a rolling feeling taking up residence in her gut.

Spike.

She had patrolled with him too many times not to recognize the feeling. Dread built in the pit of her stomach as she suddenly longed for a chipped Spike, one that watched passions, and pested Giles, and did NOT eat her mother.

Cautiously she eased the back door open, breathing a sigh of relief when she realized they weren't in the kitchen. Not that she had much hope of him not knowing she was there. She had come to accept, and sometimes even rely on, the vampires' keen sense of smell. It was a constant, even if it did freak her out.

She crept quietly to the doorway, stopping short to listen.

"So then I told her, 'You just wait and see, you'll be sorry'" Spike laughed as he finished his story, sucking down the last of his hot cocoa.

"Oh my" She could hear her mother "Well, it sounds like you two had some good times."

"You know pet, we did. We really did." Spike agreed, suddenly sitting up a bit straighter. "Slayer" he called conversationally "I know you're in there. Why don't you come out, and tell your mum hi."

Buffy stiffened as she walked into the room. If her mom noticed his use of the term 'slayer' she chose not to show it. "Spike" she greeted him, her eyes narrowing when she saw how close he was sitting to her mother. If she wanted to take him out with out her mother getting hurt, she would have to get him to move towards her.

"Ah, ah" Spike shook his finger at her, then dipped it into his mug, scooping up the chocolate ring on the bottom. He licked it off, grinning wickedly at her. "Your mum invited me in. Nice of her wasn't it." She eyed him distastefully.

"You know Spike, for someone with no taste buds, you sure do eat a lot." She snapped, forgetting her mom for a minute and shuddering a bit as he continued to tongue his finger.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I like the texture." He shot back informatively, smirking. He had to admire her spunk. If she wasn't a slayer, he would have considered turning her.

"Of course you do" she muttered. Spike did always have thing for contrast.

_And I so did not want to go there _

"Buffy," her mother interjected, thankfully cutting off her line of thinking. "You know, it wasn't very nice of you to keep them waiting. I'm sure they have better things to do with their time than to wait around for you to show up to work on your history project." Joyce folded her arms and waited for her daughter's explanation.

"Them?" Buffy paled, her eyes flashing back to Spike, the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach suddenly growing to epic proportions. Where was Kendra anyway?

"Yeah, Dru was here." He answered innocently "Too bad she had to leave." His eyes traveled the length of her, leering. "She took your friend with her though…" He tilted his head slightly, watching to make sure she got his meaning. "She said she wanted someone to play with."

"You sonofabitch" Buffy cursed, stepping towards Spike menacingly.

"ah-ah-ah" Spike tsked, sliding closer to where her mom was sitting, still grinning as he watched the drama unfold.

"Buffy!" her mother chided "Watch your mouth young lady!"

"Yes" Spike agreed. "You shouldn't be talking like that slayer, it's not very lady-like." He nearly sung the last words, shaking his head at her mockingly.

"Spike…" Buffy warned, clenching her fists together in an effort to stay calm. "What did Drusilla do with Kendra?"

"Can't say as I know really, I've been havin' hot cocoa here with yore mum." Spike grinned, moving even closer to Joyce. "You know, it really was the best cocoa I've tasted in a long time." He complemented her seriously.

"Why thank you!" Her mother beamed, turning to give her a pointed look. "So polite"

Buffy rolled her eyes disgustedly. "What is it with you and my mom?" She muttered quietly, knowing he would hear her. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you liked her."

"Hey!" Spike scowled as her comment resonated in him. He _didn't _like her! "She just makes good cocoa is all." He scoffed, looking completely put out.

Buffy almost groaned as the truth of her retort hit her, remembering too late what Spike told her not long after her mother's death. He was 'fond' of Joyce, he had admitted in his offhanded way, 'She always treated him right.'

Spike growled as he watched a smirk dance across the Slayer's face. He was in control here, and she had no right to look so damn cheeky!

Buffy's snapped back at the sound of his growl. _Right. Danger now. Memory Lane later. _

"Mom" Buffy looked at her mother, willing her to listen. "Listen to me. I need you to trust me. You need to come over here, away from Spike."

"What? Why?" Joyce looked back and forth between the two, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Mom! I can't explain, I just need you do to it. Now!" It was the wrong thing to say. Buffy cringed as her mother stood up, put her hand on her hips, and assumed 'The Stance'. _Oh no oh no oh no. _

"Do not talk to me like that young lady!" Her mother hissed, clearly allowing her many 'parenting' books to lead the conversation. "Are you in some kind of trouble? It's drugs isn't it? I knew it was drugs." Buffy watched as her mom stepped even closer to Spike. "She's been distant, moody, and not at all herself lately." She confided. "We moved here for a change, to keep her away from the wrong kind of people, you know?"

Spike nodded in feigned sympathy.

"You really shouldn't upset your mom like that Slayer, it's not very nice." He took another step towards her mother, this dance had been fun, really, but he was never one for patience.

"Spike" Buffy threatened, her muscles tensing as she recognized the look on his face. She had seen it way too many times to count. "Look mom, it's not drugs I swear!" She babbled, trying desperately to keep her head. "I just really need you to get away from him. He's not safe." She held her breath as she admitted this, hoping it would be enough to pull her mother back to her side.

Joyce looked over at Spike nervously, the subtle feeling of unease returning. "What do you mean he's not safe Buffy?" She asked, stepping just a bit closer to her daughter.

Spike dove.

Buffy saw the move coming but wasn't close enough to stop it. She wasn't sure she could have without hurting her mother. Spike had her by the balls right now and he knew it. She realized too late what her real reason was for avoiding her mother in the kitchen that morning. _She couldn't loose her mother again, she couldn't. _

"Buffy!" Her mother's panicked scream cut through her. Spike had morphed into game face, his fangs almost dripping as the moved closer to her mother's neck. Buffy's eyes darted around the room. Her mind kicking into over drive as she evaluated the situation she was in.

"Is this what you came here for?" The question was more of a stall then anything. "I thought you came here to kill me, not snack on my mom." His fangs stayed poised over her mother's neck as he contemplated a response, giving her the second she needed to slip the dagger she had been inching down her sleeve further into her palm.

"I mean, you wouldn't want to get all filled up on her, when you could have me, right?" She tiled her neck provocatively as she stepped to the side just a little, lining up her shot. She would have to be careful, and she would have to be quick. Her mother seemed to have gone into shock, staring in horror at the fangs that were inches from draining her. Buffy hoped it would last long enough for her to do what she needed to do.

Spike allowed his eyes to trail her again, his cock jumping at the sight of the Slayer baring her neck to him. Buffy reacted the moment she saw his eyes glaze over, shuddering internally at what she had done. NEVER, not even when they were sleeping together, had she taken a submissive stance with him. She reserved that right for Angel alone.

Lightening quick the dagger flew through the air, Buffy didn't even watch to see if it hit its target. She dove for the body of her mother she instinctively knew Spike would drop.

Spike roared as the knife plunged into his eye, covering him and Buffy's mother in a spray of blood. His hands grappled to pull the knife out, lunging towards Buffy as he wiped the blood off his face.

"You bitch!" He yelled, diving towards her as she flung her mother across the room and out of danger.

"Oops, sorry mom" she called pulling a large knife out of her boot, wondering why she hadn't shoved a stake in it instead. "You and me Spike, leave her out of this."

"Yeah right" he answered as he came at her again, grinning savagely as the dagger he wielded sank deeply into her arm. "Not bloody likely!"

Joyce came out of her trance slowly, staring in shock as her daughter fought the strange looking man in their living room. _Had his face always looked like that?_ She ran into the kitchen and scrambled for a weapon, her hands landing on her rolling pin, she quickly made use of it as Spike landed at her feet with a thud.

"Stay. Away. From. Me. And. My. Daughter!" She bellowed as she thumped him repeatedly in the head, wondering briefly at the strange sense of Déjà vu that came over her.

Spike scrambled away, knifing Buffy one last time as she attempted to stop him from running out the door. Three strikes and he was out. He was done trying to kill her. In fact, he had a sinking feeling he had just signed his own death warrant. Right now he needed to find Drusilla and get the hell out of dodge.

******

"Mom! Mom! It's ok." Buffy eased the rolling pin away from her mother, trying to comfort her. Her mind was running in a million different directions. _Where was Kendra!?_

"No, it is not ok!" her mother spat, looking disheveled and righteous all at once. "Buffy, who was that? WHAT was that?" She took a breath and fixed her eyes on her daughter, daring her to try and talk her way out of this one. "You need tell me right now, what the hell is going on!"

Buffy gulped as she stared at her mother. She deserved the truth, and it couldn't have come at a worse time.

_Well, accept for....._

"That was a vampire" she explained calmly, hoping this would go better the second time around.

"A vampire?" Her mother's voice was tinged in disbelief.

"Yes mom, a vampire. And I'm a vampire slayer. One girl in all the world with the strength to fight the vampires. Have you seen Kendra?" She quickly changed direction, moving towards the stairs worriedly.

"A slayer" Joyce tried it on for size, watching as her daughter darted up the stairs faster then she had ever seen her move before.

"Kendra!" she heard her yell. "Kendra!" After a moment Buffy appeared at the bottom of the steps again, tucking what looked like wooden stakes into her boots and up her sleeves. Joyce shivered as she caught site of the huge ax Buffy was holding in her grasp.

"Have you tried not being the slayer?" She grappled, clinically aware that she was still in some sort of shock.

"It's kind of this thing. Nothing I can do about it. Destiny, calling, and all that." She heard her daughter recite, watching as she bandaged a cut on her arm using only one hand, her dexterity betraying the fact that she had probably done it many times before.

Joyce watched her daughter reached for the door, her mind suddenly moving into gear as she realized what was about to happen.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Buffy cringed as the look on her mother's face changed from 'shock' to 'fear' as the reality of the situation dawned on her.

"Mom, I have find Kendra. Spike said Drusilla has her. She might still be alive." She choked back the voice that assured her she wasn't. She had to try.

"Well, we'll just call the police." Joyce said in a no-nonsense tone, and Buffy groaned as she moved towards the phone in an effort to do just that.

"And tell them what? Mom, even if they did find her, they have no idea what they're up against. You'll get them killed." Buffy turned back towards the door, hoping her mom would accept her answer.

"Buffy this is crazy!" Her mom insisted, anger and disbelief evident in her tone. "Vampires? Can you hear yourself?"

"Mom, I'm not crazy." she insisted, screaming inside for every minute that Kendra was out there, alone, afraid, possibly dead.

Joyce shook her head in disbelief, picking up the phone again in a misguided attempt to help her daughter. Although now she wasn't so sure if it was the police, or the psyche ward she should be calling. She couldn't believe she almost let her daughter convince her she had seen a vampire! Drank hot chocolate with one!

"What do you think has been going on for the past couple of years?" Buffy tried to convince her, watching helplessly as her mother erected yet another wall between them. "The fights, the weird occurrences? How many times have you washed blood out of my clothes and you still haven't figured it out?" Panic bubbled up inside as an image of Kendra, dead on the library floor, flashed before her eyes. "Mom, I have to go."

"No. I forbid it." Joyce shook her head adamantly. This was going to end, now.

Buffy's insides quivered as she recognized the look on her mothers face.

"Mom, don't do this. Please." She pleaded, tears filling her eyes as she was forced to watch her past once again being lived out in front of her. "I have to go." She whispered again, hoping her mother would let it go, while inwardly knowing she would not. Life was funny that way.

"If you walk out that door, don't even think about coming back." It was a threat she knew her mother would keep.

Buffy met her mom's eyes and held them for a long moment, nodding her acceptance slowly before clenching her jaw, and walking out the door. She would have time to cry about it later. Right now, she needed to find Kendra, and she needed to find her fast. Thinking quickly she headed for the mansion. She was angry, but if she found Spike and Drusilla she was going to need some help.


End file.
